Twisted Fairytale
by Kisu
Summary: The evil sorcerer Orochimaru has unleashed the Kyuubi! Thus the Fourth seals the demon inside his son. To protect the princess, Naruto and his cousin Ino switch identities. (Shounen-Ai XD SasuNaru, ShikaIno)
1. Of Ramen and Perverts

**Title: Twisted Fairytale**

**Author: Kisu**

**Pairings: SasuNaru or NejiNaru, ShikaIno**

**Ratings: PG…for perverts and violent slaps**

**Summary: Orochimaru, the evil warlock released the Kyuubi to wreck havoc upon the world. After the Fourth seals him into his son, Naruto and Ino exchange identities. Naruto grows up as the princess of Uzumaki castle and his cousin Ino, assumes the identity as the vessel of the Kyuubi.**

A/N: Another parody. A/U fic. Since all these fairy tale versions have been popping up, I decided to start one of my own! Yay!

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me…boohoo.

**Chapter 1: Of Ramen and Perverts**

A soft warm glow of the bright yellow orb broke through the horizon and slowly made its way into the sky. A light breeze swept through fields of emerald green grass and the song of birds filled the air. Shadows that the night had placed temporarily onto the world slowly disappeared as the warm rays caste over a large castle. Its two towers rising high, one of them in which a figure lay sleeping peacefully.

Golden curls framed a young face as the figure breathed steadily. Rosy pink lips slightly parted and pale eyelashes fluttered as the young beauty stretched luxuriously, the white sheets stretching taught around the slender body. Slowly eyes, heavy with sleep, opened to reveal a shade of astonishing azure blue. Those eyes roamed around the room to land on a man who sat in the corner, hunched over a sketchbook. The young beauty shot up in bed, eyes wide with anger.

"HENTAI!"

The shrill scream rang throughout the castle, but no one paid it any heed because this happened nearly every morning. But everyone had to flinch when they heard the sound of something solid impacting flesh.

"My, my Naru-chan!" The man laughed with a perverted grin on his face. "You hit so hard!"

"What are you doing in my room?" The beauty demanded, breathing heavily. The man ran his hand over his inflamed cheek and stroked his chin suggestively.

"You look so beautiful in the morning, that I couldn't resist." The man said.

"Jiraiya…" The beauty threatened.

"One day you will look back and feel grateful that I took you in…" The man began.

"I live here."

"Feed you, clothed you…" He continued.

"I can feed and dress myself."

"Raised you into a proper young lady…"

"I'm a boy."

Jiraiya stopped in mid-sentence and stroked his chin. "So you are." He replied as if it had skipped his mind.

"You!"

Even though he looked like a girl, sometimes acted slightly like a girl, and had men that threw themselves in his footsteps. Princess Naru-chan was actually a boy. Why wasn't he a prince? Well, you can thank his guardian for that.

Jiraiya, who was Naru-chan's guardian was also a pervert and wore trashy romance novels in his spare time. So after Naru-chan was placed in the perverted author's care, he decided to raise him as a girl. Why, you ask? Because girls were more delicate than boys and since they lived in a time where most rulers were male and hot blooded. There was sure to be a few perverts like Jiraiya.

---

A long time ago, there was an evil sorcerer named Orochimaru. He used to serve Sarutobi the Third but after an argument, Orochimaru sold his soul and released a giant fox demon from a scroll. Sarutobi manage to wound Orochimaru and suffered severe injuries. Soon after, he past away and his only son, Sarutobi the Fourth assumed the throne. (But everyone just called him the Fourth).

The Fourth married a hime from a prestigious Japanese family, and they lived peacefully as King and Queen until Orochimaru came back and released the fox demon from the scroll. Thus, the Fourth sealed the demon into his newborn son and died shortly after. The Queen lived on for several more years until she also passed away from poor health and left the three year old prince to Jiraiya.

The man didn't have the most favored hobbies but he was very strong and the perfect person to rule the Uzumaki territory until the princess was old enough to hold the throne and possibly marry—either male or female, it still wasn't known.

---

"You're nearing your sixteenth birthday, Naru-chan." Jiraiya said, seriously as he picked up his sketchbook from the floor. "You have to decide who will be your consort soon."

"That's not fun." Naruto, (since Naru-chan was a nickname) pouted. The look was indescribably cute as he stood there in an oversized shirt that hung off a slender shoulder and revealed soft flesh the soft creamy color of peaches. Jiraiya flushed a healthy crimson color before glomping onto the boy, his white ponytail swing wildly.

"I'll never give you up!" He cried. "Whichever man wants to take my Naru-chan away must defeat me in a fight to the death!"

"Man?" Naruto twitched as Jiraiya finally released him.

"Get dressed and come down for breakfast." Jiraiya ordered as he walked toward the door. "Wear that pretty blue kimono that brings out your eyes."

Naruto just stared as the door swung shut and he quickly rushed over to bolt the several locks on it. Then with a sigh, he walked over to his closet and swung the doors open. Clothing from kimonos to yukatas, to shirts, slacks, and tunics made up the extensive wardrobe. Naruto's fingers picked out a kimono he hadn't worn before. It had been a gift from his cousin Ino, along with most of the other kimonos, and this one was white with a pattern of blue flowers.

He drew the shirt over his head and dropped it onto the floor, staring at the figure in the mirror. A young boy wearing white shorts stared back at him. Unlike most boys, he was slender like a girl and that made most of the young ladies jealous and the lords drool. Either way, he attracted both sexes, although usually much more males.

With quick fingers, he put on the kimono, tying a white sash where the obi was supposed to go. He didn't care for obis because they were drawn so tight that you couldn't breathe in them. Then, slipping into a pair of sandals, he unbolted his door and walked down the curving stairs. Jiraiya stood on the bottom, scribbling madly in a notebook that he had exchanged from his sketchbook.

"You didn't wear the blue one." He complained.

"I don't listen to perverts." Naruto responded, coolly as he regally stepped off the last stair and joined Jiraiya on the bottom. Jiraiya shut his notebook and slung his arm around Naruto's shoulders as he guided him to the dining hall.

"Your guest will be so disappointed. Blue is his favorite color." Jiraiya grinned. Naruto frowned up at him as his guardian swung the double doors open and revealed the one person that Naruto disliked greatly in the world, next to dogs and perverts. This person was a pervert and he had a dog. So Naruto abruptly turned around to head back to his room. But Jiraiya grabbed him by the back of his kimono and dragged him into the hall.

"NARU-CHAN!"

"Kiba." He grounded out as he pasted a false smile on his face.

"GOOD MORNING!"

Naruto warily took a seat across from the savage looking boy. He wore a gray hooded jacket with fur lining and had two red marks down his cheeks. Much like Jiraiya's extensive markings. Kiba was the son of a wealthy lord that got rich from stealing from the poor. Yes, Kiba's father was a merchant and one that stresses his prices to unbelievable levels.

"Want some sausage, Naru-chan?" Kiba asked with a feral grin. "Akamaru loves them." His trusty companion barked from his side.

"No thanks, Kiba." Naruto replied with hidden disgust. He didn't want anything that Kiba breathed on, touched, or was simply near. In this case, Kiba had touched the plate that the sausage was on and probably breathed over it because Kiba was greedy when it came to air. Naruto solemnly selected an apple from a dish of fruit on his right. Kiba hated apples so it was safe.

"Eww." Kiba said as if on cue. "Apples are gross." Naruto stared at him before taking a bite into the red shiny fruit, watching Kiba squirm as the juicy crunch echoed in the silent dining hall. "AHHHH!"

"Naru-chan, behave." Jiraiya lectured as he peered over the top of his newspaper. (Yes they did have newspapers in that time period) Naruto stared at Kiba and took another satisfying wet crunch. Kiba's eyes were wide with horror and he furiously dug into his eggs as if he could rid the taste of the apple that he envisioned in his mind.

Akamaru suddenly sat up, his nose twitching as he sniffed the air. Then he took off like a bullet and soon there was a yowl of a cat and something that sounded priceless crashed onto the floor. Naruto shot up from his seat and a look of fear crossed his face. He threw his apple onto the table, which bounced off his plate and hit Kiba squarely between his two eyes.

"Ramen!" Naruto shrieked as he ran out of the hall, followed by Jiraiya and a dazed Kiba. "Kiba! If he harms my cat, I will kill you!"

"Akamaru! Bad dog!" Kiba yelled as he dreaded the thought of the beloved princess hating him.

---

Since Naruto didn't like dogs, he especially despised dogs that chase his kitty up into a tree. Long after Naruto had ordered the guards to drag Kiba and his dog away and out of the castle, he was still trying to coax his beloved pet to come down.

"Ramen, he's gone." Naruto pleaded, blue eyes bright with worry. "Come down or you'll hurt yourself." The poor kitty meowed as it stared at him with wide blue eyes. The pitiful mew tore at Naruto's heart and he glared at his guardian. "Jiraiya! Make yourself useful!"

Jiraiya who had stationed himself next to the trunk, opened an eye drowsily and frowned.

"Hah?" He blinked.

Naruto angrily threw a rock at his head.

---

"Are we there yet?"

"Just about!"

The young man who sat next to the carriage window tore his gaze away and glared at his mentor, Hatake Kakashi who was also a skilled knight of course. The man always wore a mask that covered half of his face and had silver hair that purposefully covered his left eye.

"Remind me, why do I have to come again?" He demanded, his dark eyes narrowing in irritation.

"Because your older brother wanted you to get away from home for awhile." Kakashi replied, cheerfully. "Maybe meet a girl or too, no one is as introverted as you."

"I like being introverted." Sasuke replied, coldly as he turned back to the window.

"There you go again, putting on your ice prince act." Kakashi smiled.

"What act?" The boy responded in puzzlement.

Indeed, Uchiha Sasuke the most sought out bachelor, second to his older brother was stuck in a carriage and on his way to the Uzumaki territory. Itachi, his older brother had gone to him and told him that he needed a life. A life?

Sasuke knew he had a life. Everyday he got up, trained, studied his books, rode his horse, and fenced. His only goal in life was to surpass his older brother who was perfect at everything. So he worked hard everyday and at night before going to bed, he would promise to defeat Itachi very, very soon. Because his older brother flinched when anything came near his face, especially if they were ink brushes. That was why, Itachi never picked up an ink brush in all his life. He always made his servant, Kisame do that for him.

"Bwaha." Sasuke mumbled as Kakashi shot the boy a strange look.

"Ano…" Sasuke turned to look at his cousins who sat across from him. Hyuuga Neji and Hinata belonged to the strongest kingdom in the country of Konoha and they resided in the Hyuuga territory. In fact, all the kingdoms branched off from the Hyuugas. The Uchiha kingdom was one of them. Hinata was the first princess of the Hyuugan Empire and heir to the throne, Neji was her first cousin and there were rumors of an arranged marriage between the two. But that was just rumors.

The Hyuuga family was proud of their distinguished bloodline and they kept it pure Japanese if possible. So keeping the bloodline in the family was a general thing to do.

"What is it, Hinata?" Neji asked, as he opened his eyes to stare at his timid cousin.

"The Uzumaki kingdom has a beautiful princess." Hinata said, quietly. "Kiba told me: "she has hair like the golden sun and eyes the color of the ocean"."

"So she's blonde." Neji said, plainly. Hinata blushed and nodded timidly. "Why do you talk to Kiba anyways?" Sasuke and Neji glared at her, no one liked Kiba much, especially since his father was a conniving man. Almost everyone had a brush with the stingy merchant lord.

"H-He's my friend." Hinata stammered.

"A princess eh?" Sasuke mumbled as a variety of young ladies crossed his mind. She probably was like the others, giggling fan girls that his parents pushed onto him. Unconsciously, Sasuke smirked as he remembered scaring off a particular girl with pink hair and soft green eyes. His parents had been furious at him for weeks.

"Ah, we're here." Kakashi announced as he closed his novel and slipped it into his pocket. The carriage turned the corner and revealed a magnificent structure of white marble. A large fountain stood in front and spewed crystal clear water as the carriage drove around it and stopped by the doors. They slowly got out of the carriage, blinking into blinding light.

Sasuke growled and grabbed Kakashi's arm. "What is this?" He demanded. The light was making his head hurt.

"The sun?" Kakashi suggested in confusion.

"Why is it so bright?" Sasuke growled as he shielded his eyes with a hand. Back at home, it seemed to be always cloudy because they lived near the ocean and the ocean always brought storms.

"The air is so clean." Hinata said as she breathed in deeply. Neji nodded as his silver eyes intake the bright colors of his new environment.

"Hyuuga Neji and Hinata. Uchiha Sasuke and his caretaker, Hatake Kakashi?" A voice asked.

They turned to stare at a man who had come out to greet them. His brown hair was pulled up in a ponytail and a dashing scar ran across the bridge of his nose. Kakashi looked at him in interest. "Welcome your highnesses." The man bowed respectfully. "I am Umino Iruka, the princess's caretaker."

"Where is she now?" Kakashi asked, itching to take a look as this beautiful princess.

"Probably doing her nails." Sasuke grumbled as he continued to squint at the bright sunlight.

"Where's her cat?" Neji asked, abruptly. He loved cats and he wasn't interested in seeing the princess but the lovely feline.

"Her…?" Iruka repeated, an uneasy look running across his face. "The princess is occupied with other matters, her guardian is probably with her."

A shrill shriek cut through the air and Sasuke looked around with wide eyes, because when someone shrieked like that, a mob of fan girls were probably around the corner.

"Ramen!" A feminine voice cried. "Jiraiya you baka, why didn't you catch him?" A white blur shot through the bushes and into Sasuke's arms. Sasuke stared at the furry creature in disgust.

"What is this?" Sasuke managed as his face scrunched up.

"A cat." Neji replied, his silver eyes softening. The Hyuuga prince reached out to touch the feline when the same voice interrupted them.

"Ramen?"

There was a rustle in the bushes and they all stared anticipating as a slender figure stepped out. The sunlight seemed to bathe the creature in ethereal light as large blue eyes filled with relief stared out at them. Her golden hair was tousled to give her a sexy look and her kimono had become disheveled, baring a smooth creamy shoulder. Her cheeks were slightly pink from running and her lips were parted as she caught her breath.

Kakashi stared and blood shot out of his nose. Iruka also quickly covered his nose with a handkerchief as blood trickled from his nostrils. Hinata blushed and covered her mouth with her hand.

"She's really pretty!" She managed. Neji ignored her; he only had eyes for the cat.

Sasuke's throat suddenly felt dry as the girl looked around and her eyes caught his. Those blue orbs widened and she strolled forward. Sasuke's pulse quickened as he breathed in quickly, regretting it when he discovered the alluring scent that radiated off her.

"I-." He began as she stopped in front of him.

"Ramen!" She cried as she scooped the cat from his arms. She nuzzled her nose into the cat's fur and the cat mewed happily. Sasuke flushed as he realized how close she was and how much skin she revealed. The kimono slipped a little more off her shoulder. Iruka quickly ran over her and adjusted her kimono, one hand still holding onto his nose.

"You look like a mess." He scolded.

"Sorry." She grinned, making her even more radiant.

"Naru-chan!" A loud voice boomed as a man leapt over the tall bushes and crushed the girl to him. "Don't dare you scare me like that! When you jumped out of the tree, you nearly gave me a heart attack!" One hand made its way down her back and she shrieked in outrage.

"PERVERT!" The princess screamed, slapping the man hard across the face.

They all stared.

The man laughed boisterously.

No one noticed the cat was gone.

---

=D Hang tight for my other fics faitful readers!…I am having a crisis with angsty plots…teehee.


	2. Of Warm Spring Breezes

**Title: Twisted Fairytale**

**Author: Kisu**

**Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno,**

A/N: Yay! Another chapter! I love this fic! Replies to reviews at the end of the chapter! XD

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.

**Chapter 2: Of Warm Spring Breezes**

The blonde beauty glanced around and he suddenly realized that he had guests. So his blue eyes widened and he smiled brightly. "Hi! Who are you?" He peered into Sasuke's flushed face.

"Uchiha Sasuke." Sasuke managed in his ice-cold prince tone. Oblivious to the degree of his voice, Naruto beamed.

"Yes, yes." Iruka beamed as gently placed a hand on his arm. "They're visiting from the neighboring kingdoms. This is the first princess of the Hyuugan territory, Hinata and her cousin, Neji. Then, we have the second prince to the Uchiha throne, Sasuke and his caretaker, Hatake Kakashi."

"Damn Itachi." Sasuke muttered as he bristled at his title. Second prince? He'll show them a thing or two!

"Nice to meet you." The girl said, as she dipped into a graceful curtsy. "My name is Uzumaki Naruto."

"Isn't Naruto a boy's name?" Hinata asked shyly.

"Is it?" Naruto asked, cocking his lovely head to the side. Hinata blushed under his scrutiny and shuffled her feet.

"Well, let's stop standing here." The perverted man yelled loudly. "Let's all go inside to get some drinks." Neji stared at the large man and narrowed his eyes.

"You're drunk." He commented, as he unconsciously moved in front of Hinata.

"This lazy good for nothing guardian of mine was drinking while I was trying to get Ramen out of the tree." Naruto pouted as he angrily kicked the man's shin.

"Princess!" Iruka gasped at the sight of unladylike behavior. The man with white hair swooped the boy off his feet and over his shoulder. His kimono rode up to reveal creamy white thighs.

"Jiraiya! You idiot! Let me down!" The princess screamed in anger. Jiraiya laughed and slapped his rump playfully.

"Stop struggling, Naru-chan." He hiccupped. Kakashi caught sight of this and dropped to a dead faint onto the ground. Sasuke stepped over his caretaker with annoyance and crossed his arms.

"I demand you release the princess at once." He said, gallantly.

"Where's the cat?" Neji asked no one in particular.

"Damn perverted man! Let me down!" The princess wailed as crocodile tears welled up at the corners of her beautiful blue eyes.

"Jiraiya, I must say--." Iruka began, nervously.

"I hate old men who molest girls." Sasuke said, coldly.

"Who are you calling old, brat?" Jiraiya yelled.

"Let me down!" Naruto screamed. Then in an afterthought, he asked with a scowl, "Who is a girl?"

"Maybe you should help her, Neji?" Hinata asked, softly.

"Hm. The cat is named Ramen?"

"What the hell is going on here?" The new voice interrupted their chaotic conversations and they all turned to stare at the newcomer.

Naruto glanced over his shoulder at his savior and his eyes grew large. "Shikamaru! Save me!"

The man on the gallant white stallion sighed heavily and got down onto a ground. A cloud of dust erupted from his boots as they hit the ground and he walked slowly toward them. "How troublesome." Shikamaru said, as he arched an eyebrow. "Jiraiya, I don't feel like facing Ino's wrath."

Ino.

That name struck fear in Jiraiya's heart. Last time, Shikamaru had visited he had gone back home with a bunch of stories. But that only made Ino mad and she came to visit a week later. All hell had broken loose.

"Did she come with you?" Naruto asked, hopefully. He loved his cousin to death and Ino was way protective of him.

"Not this time." Shikamaru said. Naruto pouted and banged on Jiraiya's head.

"If you don't let me down, I'm going to tell her." Naruto declared. Jiraiya set the princess on his feet, grumbling about ungrateful offspring.

"Well…let's get all of you to your rooms." Iruka smiled, widely. Naruto looked around in panic.

"Where's Ramen?"

---

After they had been shown to the quarters they were to stay in, Neji, Hinata, and Sasuke wandered around the large castle. Of course the castle was considered small when compared to the Hyuuga Castle and the Uchiha Castle. But it was very interesting; there were halls with portraits of previous rulers and extended family. One of them portrayed a young man with sharp cyan colored eyes and platinum blonde hair.

Then, they found the library. It started from the floor to the cavernous ceiling with large shelves containing books upon books. A large telescope near the window, drew Neji's attention. So, curiously he peered into it and his jaw dropped open.

"Hey." He said reaching out to Sasuke who was looking at a map.

"What?" Sasuke frowned as Neji pulled him over by the collar of his shirt.

"Look." Neji said, pushing Sasuke over to the telescope.

"Damn cousins. Think they can order me around or something." Sasuke muttered as he peered through the telescope. His jaw, like Neji's dropped open and it worked like a fish out of water. "There are perverts everywhere!" He raged. Neji nodded solemnly and Hinata drifted closer with a puzzled look on her face.

"What's wrong?" She asked. They both gestured to the telescope and she looked in.

The princess was currently waist deep in a lake with her back toward them. She was nude and Shikamaru was peeping in through the bushes at her.

"I knew he was up to no good!" Sasuke yelled, angrily. "I will kill him!" With that, he ran out of the library. Neji and Hinata followed him quickly.

---

"These aren't bushes. These are cattails." Shikamaru said as he stood up. With a heavy sigh, he turned around and stared at the two boys glaring at him. "What?"

"You!" Sasuke spluttered, angrily. He crossed his arms and narrowed his eyes.

"How inconsiderate of you to peep in on the princess's bath." Neji said.

"Bah?" Shikamaru blinked, completely clueless on what was happening.

"I will kick your ass." Sasuke proclaimed with an all-mighty princely air. Just then, Hinata screamed and the three of them dove through the cattails, (not bushes). Immediately, Sasuke and Neji turned around when they saw Hinata facing them with a dark blush on her face and hands over her eyes. Shikamaru arched an eyebrow and they stared at him.

"Have you no pride?" Neji yelled. "Turn around!"

"What for?" Shikamaru frowned.

"You idiot!" Sasuke snarled. "It's the princess! She'll have your head!"

"No." Hinata's weak comment made them turn around, with hands over their eyes. "The princess is a boy!"

"What?!" Sasuke and Neji removed their hands and stared at Hinata, then to the figure that stood on the edge of the lake.

"Oh well, it seems like the fox is out of the bag." Naruto said, with a mysterious smile. His blue eyes darkened and Shikamaru sighed as he picked up Naruto's robe and draped it around his shoulders.

"You're a boy?" Sasuke squeaked as Neji just blinked in horror. Naruto turned around to tie his robe properly and turned back around. "Why are you a princess?"

"Secret." Naruto whispered, placing a finger on his lips. "Isn't that right, Shika?" He laughed as he latched on to Shikamaru's arm.

"Eh." Shikamaru shrugged.

"This is getting interesting." Neji said, softly.

---

When they returned to the castle in time for lunch, a new guest had arrived and was sitting at the dining table. He had crimson red hair and jade green eyes. He was also the third oldest son of the Desert Emperor.

His name was Gaara.

Gaara was fond of liver and to his delight, they were serving goose pate with warm bread today.

The sullen boy paid no heed to them as they filed in and sat down around the table. Naruto sat down at the end of the table with Gaara at his right and Shikamaru to his left. He curiously placed a hand over his chin and watched the boy tuck in a large amount of goose liver spread.

Finally the boy, looked up. His green eyes met his and Naruto blinked.

"Princess." He spoke up. "My mother wants me to marry you." Hinata coughed, Sasuke choked on a grape, and Neji managed to drop his fork with a loud clatter onto his plate. Naruto's eyes softened and he smiled softly.

"Gaara, I'm flattered but--." He began.

"I heard that!" Jiraiya bellowed as he ran in, breathing heavily. "Whoever wants to take Naru-chan away from me, must engage in a fight to the death!"

Gaara wiped his mouth delicately with a napkin before standing up.

"I have never lost." He said, calmly. A chill resonated throughout the room at his words.

"You brat!" Jiraiya roared, shaking a massive fist.

"How wonderful. He's fighting for me." Naruto swooned.

"Shouldn't you stop them?" Hinata asked, worriedly.

"Why?" Naruto laughed. "It's so dramatic. I feel so loved. Besides they won't hurt each other."

"Are you sure about that?" Shikamaru frowned. "Blood being spilled on the lunch table isn't very appetizing."

"…Blood." Gaara repeated with a soft scary smile. Jiraiya twitched.

"Gaara, let's finish our lunch and later you can tell me how Temari and Kankoru is doing." Naruto said, grabbing his arm. Gaara turned to stare at him before plopping down on his seat. Naruto beamed. Gaara was just so lovable.

Sasuke glared at them and clenched his spoon tightly. What was this burning feeling in his chest? Was it love? No.

Love was the feeling where you float on air with feathers on your feet. Sasuke felt like he had swallowed burning coals. What was this feeling?

His eyes widened and he shot up out of his seat.

It was jealousy!

"What's wrong, Sasuke?" Hinata asked in concern as Neji continued to eat his grapes. It was purple and he loved purple.

"I found a way to beat Itachi." Sasuke smiled. Yes, this jealousy was good to fuel him like adrenaline. "Bwaha."

---

"This coming month, we will hold a summer ball." Iruka said as he sat down next to Naruto. "All the eligible bachelors can come to seek your hand in marriage." His eyes got teary and he stifled a sob. "Naruto, you've grown into a beautiful young lady!"

"…" Naruto responded. He didn't want to get married and wasn't he a boy? So wasn't he supposed to marry a girl? "I don't want to get married."

"It's for the good of the kingdom." Iruka said. "Like you are the princess. You must protect your kingdom." Iruka gave in to his tears and glomped the poor boy and sobbed into his fine golden hair. "I'll make sure he will be a great man, or else!"

"I will kill anyone who takes Naru-chan away from me." Jiraiya said, downing mug after mug of black coffee.

"Me too." Gaara added as he bit of the heads of his animal crackers and left the bodies in a pile on a plate.

"Burning." Sasuke whispered, still indulging this new feeling of "jealousy".

"I will choose who I want to marry." Naruto announced as he got up, angrily. Then with quick footsteps, he walked out of the room with Shikamaru following behind him.

"He's too young!" Iruka wailed. Jiraiya's hands shook so much from being intoxicated from caffeine, that the coffee in his mug spilled everywhere. Neji stood up.

"Let's get out of here." He frowned as Hinata got up quickly. Sasuke followed them and the trio left the room.

"Does anyone remember I'm here?" Kakashi asked as he stepped out of the shadows.

---

"Naruto are you okay?" Shikamaru asked. His lover, the hime with sharp cyan eyes and platinum blonde hair had ordered him to make sure Naruto was happy. But right now, the blonde was clearly unhappy. Because he was sitting underneath a tree, crying his eyes out. Shikamaru crouched down next to him. It was scary seeing him cry, because he cried perfectly. That means it made him vulnerable and even more beautiful.

And this kingdom had many perverts, such as Jiraiya himself.

Shikamaru sighed and took out a handkerchief, handing the silk square to Naruto. Naruto sniffled and accepted it gladly.

"I don't want to be princess anymore." Naruto said as he dabbed his eyes. Then, he stared at the square and the initialed "I", at the corner. "Is this Ino's?" Shikamaru flushed and he frowned.

"Yes."

"Shika! You dog!" Naruto exclaimed. "Well, tell me! Have you gotten to third base?"

"Third base?" Shikamaru repeated, scratching his head. "Don't you have bases in…baseball?"

"What is baseball?" Naruto blinked.

"I don't know." Shikamaru responded as he sat down next to Naruto. He closed his eyes and leaned his head back against the trunk of the tree. "You have to continue to be princess. Orochimaru hasn't found you yet. Everyone still thinks Ino is the vessel of the Kyuubi."

"If they find out. Won't they hate me?" Naruto asked, softly.

"They won't hate you, because they love you." Shikamaru retorted.

"They won't after they discover I'm the vessel." Naruto replied, quietly. Shikamaru plucked a piece of grass from the ground and tucked it in the corner of his lips.

"Don't think like that." Shikamaru said. "We've given up so much to protect you. Ino, at the most."

"I know." Naruto said. "I'm sorry."

"For what?" Shikamaru admonished. "We all love you, especially Ino. That is why she is assuming the role as the vessel." Naruto dropped into silence and he buried his face into his arms. "I have to run some errands. So are you all right, now?" Naruto nodded and Shikamaru stood up, patting him on the head.

"Serious things will hurt your pretty head, princess." Shikamaru teased. "I'll see you in a little bit."

---

When Shikamaru left, Naruto got up to walk down to the lake. Someone else was there and was currently skipping stones, but having no success.

"You're using too much power." He said, softly.

The person turned, a soft breeze ruffled dark strands of silky hair over a handsome face. Naruto blinked in shock as Uchiha Sasuke ran a hand through his hair. He smiled at him and Naruto walked closer to him. Without a word, he gently picked up a flat stone, placed it in the dark prince's hand.

"Try that one." Naruto said. Sasuke shrugged and threw it, softer this time. It sliced through the air and bounced across the lake to the other side.

"Thanks." Sasuke said, while running a hand through his hair again. Naruto breath caught in his throat.

Sasuke frowned, inwardly. Where was this damn wind coming from? It kept getting his hair in his eyes.

"Can I see your knife?" Naruto asked, pointed at his sheath dagger. Sasuke took it out and handed to him. Naruto stared at it and smiled at his reflection. Then he grabbed a bunch of his hair and slid it through it. Sasuke stared at strands of golden hair flew from Naruto's fingers and over the lake, dancing like dandelions' seeds would.

"Why did you…" Sasuke began but stopped as he stared at Naruto. He had the brightest smile he had ever seen on his face, and the soft breeze swayed his short golden hair in the breeze. The sun bathed his figure in an ethereal light, casting a warm glow onto smooth creamy white flesh that had darkened over the days into a soft golden color.

"I'm turning over a new leaf." Naruto replied, quietly. Sasuke picked up a daisy from the ground and walked over to tuck it behind his ear.

"And you look beautiful." Sasuke smiled.

Naruto's blue eyes softened and he flung himself at Sasuke, with tears in his eyes. "Thanks."

---

A/N: I hope that clarified things a little. Thanks to my reviewers!

SukiAme: They didn't know that Naruto was a boy at first, because Kiba never told them. TeeHee! But they do know now!

DanInverse: Kabuto eh? What an interesting suggestion! I'll keep it in mind!

Espi: Yes…a very nice…nose-bleed moment.

Chibichidori16, peanut, anonymous, sally, ws.blue, jenniyah, and hihi: thanks for reading! I appreciate your feedback!


	3. Of Recollection and Memories

**Title: Twisted Fairytale**

**Author: Kisu**

**Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno**

A/N: I'm typing up a storm, after this fic…I think I will go back to my dark angsty fics…so hang tight and enjoy! Replies to reviews at the end of the chapter.

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.

**Chapter 3: Of Recollection and Memories**

Sasuke woke up in his quarters with a huge headache. He groaned as he sat up and clamped both of his hands to his head in an attempt to keep the world from spinning.

"Ugh." He mumbled. What happened to him yesterday? He remembered accidentally grabbing the wrong cup at teatime, and taking a long swig. He must have grabbed Jiraiya's mug of coffee and it was probably laced with something alcoholic. "Damn perverts."

He swung his legs off the bed and breathed in deeply, frowning when he caught a scent of something foreign. Suspiciously, he sniffed the air and grabbed a handful of his shirt. The princess's scent was all over him! Not that it was bad, but the princess is a boy!

His eyes widened and he gripped the edge of the bed, tightly. He had come onto the princess, who is a boy! A boy!

He had been skipping stones at the edge of the lake, something he would never do…unless intoxicated of course. He had smiled at the princess. No doubt it was a warm smile, something he would never do. Then, he had picked a flower for the princess and told him how beautiful he was.

With a groan, he slid off the bed and sighed.

He had a lot of explaining to do.

---

"The hell?"

"Oh…my."

"Naru-chan! What happened to your beautiful golden locks?" Jiraiya screamed as Iruka and Shikamaru stood in the doorway lost for words. Naruto swung around, with his beloved kitty in his arms.

"Do you like it?" Naruto asked, squeezing the kitty tighter. It mewed in complaint and in a flash; the Hyuugas were in the room.

"There it is." Neji said, happily. Hinata blinked and sighed as she leaned against the wall to catch her breath.

"Ino is going to have a cow." Shikamaru declared as he stalked over to the princess. "I left you alone for half a day and you cut your hair!" Naruto pouted and latched onto Shikamaru.

"The prince told me that I looked beautiful." He said as they stared at him. "What?"

"Prince? As in Gaara?" Iruka asked.

"No, as in Sasuke." Naruto said. Time seemed to freeze as they all turned to stare at him.

"There you guys are." Kakashi beamed as he walked in. "Where is my young charge?"

"He fell asleep when we were at the lake and I had him brought to his room." Naruto explained. Kakashi nodded and turned to observed Naruto.

With his hair shorter, it still framed his face beautifully and now revealed a lot more skin. This included his slender neck and shoulders that the kimono he was wearing had slipped off. He slowly walked toward the princess and stood before him.

"Will you marry me?" He asked.

Naruto blushed and clasped his hands together. "I'm not worthy of marrying someone of your stature."

"Nonsense." Kakashi beamed as he reached out to crush the princess to him. He slowly pulled down his mask and Naruto's blue eyes widened.

"You're so handsome!" Naruto said, in awe. Then, he stepped up on his tiptoes, his eyes closed as he leaned upwards and…

"What are you doing?" The soft voice of the Desert prince broke in. Kakashi opened his eyes and found himself inches away from the sullen boy. He jumped back and Gaara glared at him. "Touch me again, and I'll dig a grave for you." Kakashi blinked rapidly.

It had all been something that he had made up when he entered the room.

Gaara walked over to Naruto and whispered something in his ear. He blushed a bright red and glared at Kakashi.

"Pedophile." Shikamaru grumbled as Kakashi chuckled, nervously. He turned around and swallowed thickly when he caught Jiraiya and Iruka staring at him, angrily.

"Keep your mind at of the gutter, Kakashi!" Iruka yelled as Jiraiya picked up a chair and chased the man out of the room.

"Our cousin isn't the social type, princess." Hinata said, as Neji tried to coax Ramen out of Naruto's arms.

"Are you sure?" Naruto asked in confusion. "He was telling me all 152 ways on how he was going to defeat his brother." He nodded, thoughtfully. "I especially liked plan number 123 where Sasuke would--."

"No!" They all turned as Sasuke ran into the room. Sasuke narrowed his eyes.

That stupid blonde was going to tell them one of his plans and then he would only have 151 ways to defeat Itachi. The number won't be even anymore!

"Sasuke, you're awake!" Naruto beamed, bounding over to him with a bright smile. Sasuke nodded and felt his headache throb.

"Can I speak to you, princess?" He asked.

"Of course!" Naruto smiled.

"Hey…" Shikamaru began but Sasuke had already taken Naruto's arm and guided him out of the room. They rushed down the hall for a secluded spot and finally found one.

---

"Listen, about today…" Sasuke began.

"Yes?" Naruto beamed.

"Forget what I said to you. I drank something wrong this afternoon." Sasuke continued.

"Oh are you feeling better?" Naruto asked in concern.

"Yes, but I still have this slight problem where my eye twitches and…" Sasuke replied but caught himself. With a glare, he cleared his throat. "Stop changing the subject."

"Huh?" Naruto blinked.

"I want to tell you that I have no interest in you whatsoever." Sasuke said. "I need to marry a girl, not a boy. So I can't marry you."

"Uhm, okay." Naruto responded. He had no idea that Sasuke had been thinking of marriage.

"Because princes need to marry a girl princess not a boy princess." Sasuke explained. "And with a boy prince and a boy princess…you can't…" He trailed off with a dark flush on his cheeks.

"Can't what?" Naruto asked.

"You know…the birds and the bees." Sasuke coughed, nervously.

"Birds and the bees?" Naruto repeated, still drawing a blank.

"You know, like when two people get together and they're in love…" Sasuke frowned.

"Yes?"

"You don't know what I'm getting at, do you?" Sasuke asked, finally.

"Uhm, no." Naruto giggled as he covered his mouth with his hands. Sasuke sighed and stared at the giggling boy. Since, when did he look so cute?

A flash of horror crossed Sasuke's face as he realized what had just crossed his mind. He was attracted to this…this boy princess?

Maybe that was why he never had any interest in the girls that his parents had chosen for him. They were girls! Then it dawned onto him, there was a way to find out if he liked liked boys or liked liked girls.

"Sasuke, you look pale." Naruto commented, as he peered into the boy's face.

"Princess…" He began in a hoarse voice. "I need to kiss you."

"What?" Naruto's eyes widened. Had he heard correctly?

Sasuke clenched his fist and his whole body seemed to tremble in anticipation. He walked forward until Naruto's back was against the wall. Shakily, he placed both hands on either side of Naruto's head.

"Y-You're serious!" Naruto gasped. Sasuke bit his lip hard before jerking his head up and pressed his lips against the princess's. The princess's lips were soft like rose petals and Sasuke found himself drowning into that kiss. His scent of soft jasmine filled his nostrils and ever sense of his being. He also knew Naruto was enjoying it, so he smirked into the kiss before pulling away and opening his eyes.

Naruto opened his eyes slowly, dazed with this new feeling. Then, he realized what was going on and he gasped sharply. Sasuke had stolen his first kiss!

He opened his mouth and screamed bloody murder.

Then he backhanded a bewildered Sasuke across the face.

---

"If he's there! I'm not coming down!" The furious yell echoed throughout the castle and was followed by the sound of a heavy door slamming.

Sasuke sat at the dinner table, rubbing his sore cheek with a glare and his cousins stared at him in bewilderment.

"Cousin, what did you do to him?" Hinata whispered.

"None of your business." Sasuke replied coldly. Neji shook his head in disapproval.

"How troublesome." Shikamaru grumbled as he continued to eat his cherry cobbler. He always ate dessert before the actual meal, except when Ino was around. Her family always ate dinner in a sequence, unless if Naruto was there; Ino would always serve dessert last.

"Your scent was all over her." Gaara spoke up as he cut into his steak that was extra rare.

"Scent?" Kakashi blinked and elbowed Sasuke in the side. "I see you finally set your eyes on someone!"

"Do I know you?" Sasuke replied, blankly. Kakashi frowned as Jiraiya walked in.

"Naru-chan still won't come down." He reported as Iruka stood up.

"I'll go bring him something to eat." Iruka offered, he walked away to the kitchen.

"I don't know what made Naru-chan so upset." Jiraiya said, thoughtfully as he pointedly glared at Sasuke. Sasuke closed his eyes and stood up.

"Excuse me." He muttered as he walked halfway across the dining hall.

"Iruka!" The panic-filled scream startled all of them and a loud explosion was heard from the tower of Naruto's room. They all ran up the spiraling stairs and stopped at the doorway, staring at the big hole that was once a wall with a window. Iruka coughed and stood up, blood trickling down a wound near his temple.

"What happened?" Jiraiya demanded. "Where is the princess?"

"He took him." Iruka whispered, his face pale with fear.

"Who?" Jiraiya asked, having a clear idea on who it was.

"Orochimaru." Iruka replied.

Fifteen years later, the evil sorcerer was back. Orochimaru.

Jiraiya clenched his hands into fists and he narrowed his eyes.

"You'll pay for taking Naru-chan away without my consent!" He roared to no one in particular.

---

No one had the heart to finish dinner so they went straight to the library to have a discussion on how to rescue the princess away from the evil, greedy, and possibly perverted…Orochimaru.

"We have no idea where his new hideout is." Iruka said, worriedly. It was three o'clock in the morning and they were still wide-awake. "We also don't know about his plans." He set his cup of tea down onto its saucer and turned to Jiraiya. "Do you think that he knows Naruto is the vessel?"

"Hopefully not." Jiraiya frowned. "But we've kept it a secret for so long, I'm sure he doesn't know Naru-chan is the vessel."

"What?" Sasuke asked as the two men turned around sharply to stare at them.

"Oh, great." Shikamaru muttered. "Now, the fox is out of the bag."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Neji frowned. "The phrase is "the cat is out of the bag", not the fox." He felt the need to defend his precious feline friends.

"Princess Naruto is the vessel?" Hinata repeated in confusion.

"Once we tell you, you cannot speak word of this outside of this room." Jiraiya said, seriously. "Or else."

"Or else what?" Sasuke frowned at his incompetence.

"Or else." Gaara repeated, softly and yet venomously. They all stared at him as the hair on the back of their necks rose in an unpleasant tingle.

"We've guarded this secret for fifteen years, from the time of Naruto's birth." Jiraiya began. "A long time ago, our kingdom was plagued by a demon, the Kyuubi. The Kyuubi was a fearsome nine-tailed fox demon that had been sealed in a scroll for centruries. But Orochimaru, King Sarutobi's trusted sorcerer found a way to release the demon."

"Sarutobi managed to seal the demon back in its scroll and wound Orochimaru but he soon died from the severe condition of his injuries. His son, Sarutobi the Fourth assumed the throne. But everyone just called him the Fourth." Iruka continued. "Not long after, the Fourth fell in love with a hime from a branch family of the Yamanaka Clan, a very prestigious family in the Uzumaki territory."

"She was very beautiful. She had great determination and the sharpest of tongues." Jiraiya said. "She had the was probably a "fox" in bed…" Iruka glared at him and Jiraiya coughed nervously. "Anyways, on the day Naruto was born, Orochimaru came back and unleashed the Kyuubi from its scroll. King Fourth recognized that the scroll had weakened from centuries of sealing the Kyuubi, so he decided the next best thing. To seal it into a vessel, and he chose his newborn son."

Iruka nodded. "Then, with the last of his strength, he managed to seal the demon. In the aftermath, there was no sign of Orochimaru and everyone thought he was dead. Except the Fourth, he warned us that the sorcerer would return and he would be even stronger than before."

"To protect Naruto from getting into the hands of Orochimaru, we decided to switch identities with someone who was born on the same day as him. That was Ino, the first child of Yamanaka Inoshi. She was to play the role of the vessel that the Fourth had chosen to seal the demon in." Jiraiya said as he sipped his mug of black coffee.

"So that's why…" Hinata murmured, her silver eyes widening in recognition.

"What's why?" Neji asked, looking at his cousin.

"That's why Naruto is a princess. Ino is a girl and the vessel that the Fourth chose was a boy." Shikamaru sighed. "Ino becomes the boy and Naruto becomes the girl."

"So that's why." Sasuke frowned as he stared at the carpet at his feet.

"Exactly." Jiraiya nodded. "You didn't think it was some old man's fetish to raise boys into girls, did you?" They all stared at him and quickly averted their eyes. "Did you?"

"Well anyways, I'm going to get some sleep." Shikamaru said, standing up. "I will ride out at dawn to inform the Yamanaka head about this situation and Ino of course. Good night." They watched as Shikamaru left the room and Gaara stood up as well.

"I don't sleep." He declared, bluntly. "But I will leave also in the morning and tell my mother about this. Someone has kidnapped my wife-to-be. Mother will be unhappy at the news." They watched as the sullen boy followed the path that Shikamaru had taken.

Women were scary.

"Let's all turn in." Iruka offered. "We should all get some sleep, let's just hope Naruto is safe for now."

Everyone nodded silently and left the room one by one.

Even if they went to bed, they knew they wouldn't sleep tonight.

---

A/N: Yay!

Shirl: Glad you liked the fic and Sasuke's "Bwaha". glomps Sasu-chan

Iceheart19: Thanks! I'm glad you like the plot so far.

SukiAme: Another big review! I hope this chapter explains Ino and Naruto's interaction. It also explained a little of Sasuke's OOCness and the rushed fluff in the end!

TriAce-Gaara: One of the best stories? weeps in happiness Thank you! Yes..my grammar and spelling does need work XD

Love-chibis: Naruto's hair in the beginning was long, like a princess! You know, blonde curls and big blue eyes? ; But he cut it so now it's shorter but longer than Naruto's hair is in the manga. Chin-length? Maybe I'll draw a fanart pic…one day.

Mrs. Les Demondes: Yay! I loved Kiba in the beginning! I'll probably add him in again, very very soon.

Chibichidori16: I'm sure Hinata didn't get a nosebleed because she isn't as perverted as the male sex. XD

Sally, HiHI, and anonymous: Thanks for reviewing and reading.


	4. Of Scary Cousins and Cross Dressers

**Title: Twisted Fairytale**

**Author: Kisu**

**Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno**

**Ratings: PG-13 for people in the wrong places at the wrong time.**

A/N: I keep rolling this chapters out because of a persistent rabid fangirl…er friend. XD And a made a large boo-boo I have to fix in all my chappies! Ino's eyes are Cyan! Not Teal! Because Teal is…slightly greener. My second chapter will be fixed on this mistake.

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.

**Chapter 4: Of Scary Cousins and Cross Dressers**

"JIRAIYA!" The angry yell echoed throughout the castle and the man in bed, jolted upright before falling on the floor.

"What is it my lord?" A woman said, sleepily as she wiped spittle off the side of her face.

"What's happening?" Another woman asked, as she slowly yawned and sat up on the other side. Jiraiya burned a bright red and looked around in fear of being caught.

"Oh my! What are you doing in my bed?" He asked. "I'm sure you two have your own respectable bed to sleep in." The two women who were clearly maids, because they were dressed in their maid outfits got out of bed and Jiraiya quickly shooed them out the door.

But that meant he had to open his bedroom door, which he was reluctant.

Because so much time had passed that she could have made her way to stand on the other side.

With shaking fingers, he turned the doorknob and flung the door open.

"Oooh." The two maids cooed at the display of Jiraiya's awesome strength.

Jiraiya sighed in relief.

No one was there.

Until a flash of blonde startled him and he took a step backwards and onto the foot of one of the poor young maids. She started beating him over the head with a feather duster to get him off but he paid her no heed.

Because he was staring at the doorway in horror where a young man was standing.

He was indescribably handsome and beautiful. With one lock of platinum blonde hair falling over the right side of his face and all the other strands falling around his face in soft spikes…the maids swooned to the floor.

"Ino, you've grown in a wonderful young man." Jiraiya managed before Ino's sharp cyan eyes twitched.

"I'm going to kill you, you disgrace of a man!" Ino managed as she drew a sharp sword from the sheath at her side. The sound of sharp steel echoed throughout the room as she raised it over her head and brought it crashing down, between the legs of Jiraiya. Luckily, she missed.

Or did she?

"I-I was just kidding, Ino." Jiraiya protested, as he pushed the maids off of him and scuttled on his feet.

"I'm going to skin you alive!" Ino screamed, angrily.

So this was the beautiful symphony of birds that the guests of Uzumaki castle woke up to.

Mmm…wonderful.

---

Well they were surprised at the person sitting in Naruto's chair at the dining table. It had been a week after Naruto had been kidnapped and she had come, just like Shikamaru had warned them. By the way, where was that lazy boy?

"Did Shikamaru come back with you, Ino?" Iruka asked in curiously.

"No, he decided to stay home this time." Ino replied. She reached over with her fork and stabbed a sausage with a violent jab. They all paled at this. Then, she dropped it on her plate and began to eat it neatly. She was so weird.

"So, you're Naruto's cousin?" Sasuke asked, speaking up for the first time.

"How disrespectful of you, Prince! Did Naru-chan give you the right to address him by first name?" Ino asked, infuriated at the incompetence of this Uchihan boy.

"Er…" Sasuke blinked, suddenly feeling fear for the first time in his life.

"You're the boy that stole Naru-chan's first kiss, aren't you?" Ino continued, waving her fork wildly. "If he wasn't in his lonely tower, sad and vulnerable, Orochimaru wouldn't have taken him!"

"So you're saying this is my fault?" Sasuke asked, banging on the wooden table.

"Hell yeah!" Ino screamed back. The words that came out of her mouth, made her pause for a second before her's cyan eyes widened. "You also made Sakura cry!"

"Who's Sakura?" Sasuke asked, as if she was a lunatic. Ino rose up out of her seat, dropping the fork in her hand and grabbed a spoon. Spoons would hurt way more than forks because they were dull and….Ino could turn anything dull into a torture weapon. Sasuke's eyes widened. Did he say the wrong thing?

"She has pink hair." Ino began.

…Uh oh.

"Green eyes."

…Hell…no.

"My best friend."

…Run.

"And you put frogs in her bathtub!" Ino yelled. "She's afraid of frogs!"

"Oh!" Sasuke blinked. "Her name is Sakura?"

Breakfast became a chaotic meal as Ino rampaged about to put Sasuke in his place. Everyone else was too scared to intervene. Within an hour, Ino had completed her mission. Sasuke was out cold and still seeing circling Naruto cherubs flying in circles above his head.

Two down.

Who was next?

Ino smirked.

---

"Ino-chan." Iruka said, desperately. "You can't keep on killing them off, who will rescue the princess?"

"I will." Ino said, simply. Iruka stared at her.

"All by yourself?" He asked, weakly.

"Of course. I don't trust all these perverts!" Ino frowned. "How could you have let this happen, Iruka?"

"My apologies, my lady." Iruka winced. This was going on his permanent record.

"It's not your fault, it's always Jiraiya's." Ino replied, as she brushed a lock of platinum blonde hair out of her eyes. The maids swooned and latched onto the walls as their knees felt like being turned to jelly. "What's wrong with them?" She asked, as they walked past the limp maids.

"Er. I have no idea." Iruka said, happily. "Let's go to the battle room to decide on the next plan of action."

Well that was the plan…until…

"NARU-CHAN!"

He returned.

---

"Where are you, fair lovely princess?"

"For you, the single most wonderful sun in my eyes."

"Brilliant and shining like the piece of extravagance you are."

"Who has stolen doth from me? I will seek revenge immediately!"

"For another taste of your sweet, sweet lips on mine."

The only son of the conniving Inuzuka merchant stopped in mid-ballad and froze. This scent was a new one. Just like the princess's jasmine scent, this scent was the scent of soft country apple. There was only one person in the whole Uzumaki territory that liked apples as much as the princess. His hands shook and Akamaru gave a questioning woof beside him.

"She's here." He said, hoarsely. His throat was dry and his heart was beating too fast for his liking.

"KIBA!" Argh, there she roareth.

The sole speaker of that lovely bellowing voice, (the maids swoon) appeared at the top of the stairs, glaring down at him. Cyan blue eyes flashed sharply and platinum blonde hair were tousled by the wind.

Kiba trembled in fear and turned around sharply. "Akamaru, attack!" He commanded. But his dog was halfway across the room and out the door.

"Sweet lips? How dare you speak of violating my cousin?" Ino yelled as she jumped off the railing, did a beautiful roll in the air and landed lightly in front of him. She was still angry because his father had sold her a jar of Jo's Metal Polish. But she had wanted Joe's Metal Polish, because the extra 'e' always made a difference.

Kiba quickly dug into his pockets for a jar of Joe's Metal Polish, which he kept in his pockets just in case to fend off scary cousins. "H-Here." He stuttered as he thrust a 20 oz. jar in front of him. Ino gasped in delight before snatching it from his hands.

"I'll let you off the hook this time, Inuzuka." She said, as she examined the beautifulness of the large jar. "But…you must do something for me."

"Huh?" Kiba felt uneasy all of a sudden and that smirk on her face was very, very scary.

---

Iruka stared.

Neji stared.

Hinata blushed. "Oh my, Kiba. You're so pretty."

Kiba stood with a heavy stain of crimson on his face.

"I present to you, "Naru-chan Decoy". Plan A of "Rescuing the Damsel in Distress"." Ino said. Kakashi stared and blood trickled out of the nose holes he had conveniently cut into his mask to make it easier for him to breathe.

Kiba had his hair; dyed blonde, dressed in a flowery print kimono and make-up that brought out the wonderfulness of his black eyes. "This won't work!" Kiba yelled, as he drew the kimono tighter. He loved the feeling of the soft silk material and it smelled of the princess's wonderful scent. But he was not going to parade around for some evil sorcerer who was possibly a pervert and a pedophile for blonde girls…er…boys.

"Naru-chan is way prettier." Ino said, nodding sagely. "But I'm sure this will do." She dug something from her pocket and Kiba stared. It was shiny and red and glossy. It made him want to throw up.

It was an apple!

"W-What are you doing? I never agreed to this!" He demanded, emphasizing the last word.

"Just hold it." Ino said. "Naru-chan loves apples."

"W-What?" Kiba gasped in shock. "I have to hold it?" Ino inched closer and Kiba gagged as the alluring scent of the ripe red apple filled his nose. Then, he fell face forward into a dead faint.

"It was a stupid plan to began with." A new voice made everyone look at the door and Sasuke stared at them. "What?" He had a killer headache from being bashed over the head so many times. He looked at the apple that was in Ino's hand and grabbed it, taking a bite of the fruit.

Everyone gasped in awe and Ino circled him.

"You will do." She smiled.

---

Sasuke stood, staring out at his audience with a scowl on his face. He was wearing a dark blue kimono with white flowers that brought out the color of his hair and deep ebony eyes. A soft blue obi was tied around his waist and flared out into a large bow in the back.

"Sasuke, you look beautiful!" Kakashi exclaimed, as he stepped forward.

"Get away from me, pervert." Sasuke replied, coldly.

"Smile more, Prince." Ino said. "Plan B of "Rescuing the Damsel in Distress". "Naru-chan Decoy: Version 2"."

"There is no way I'm going through with this." Sasuke frowned. Ino tsked and raked a hand through her hair, causing the background to shower with stars and a sudden breeze accenting the movement of her hair as it floated softly back down to its proper place (the maids swooned). "That was amazing." Sasuke whispered in awe.

"Thank you. It took years for me to perfect it." Ino smiled. "It's not easy to be the most handsome bachelor in the world."

Sasuke seemed to tune out the last part of Ino's gloating, because he was busy thinking of plan #153 to defeat Itachi. It was perfect! Even though the number was odd, it was still perfect! Itachi couldn't rake his hand through his long dark silky tresses like Ino could and Ino had more maids swooning then Itachi ever had.

Sasuke's eyes widened in delight, and a slow smile spread across his face. He would master the move and show up his brother at the Summer Ball, then the first heir of the Uchihan throne would be so embarrassed and his parents would praise him on how wonderful he was. Then they would beg for forgiveness for overlooking him all these years!

"Bwaha." He murmured, eyes still coated in that dreamy look.

Everyone else stared at him.

"I will help you rescue Princess Naruto." Sasuke said. "Wearing this…thing. But you must teach me that move you just performed." Ino thought hard for a moment before finally nodding.

"Fine, after we have rescued Naru-chan. I promise that I will teach you my, "Handsome Devil's Hair no Jutsu"." Ino declared.

"What's a jutsu?" Neji asked, curiously.

"I have no idea." Ino beamed.

---

But where was Princess Naru-chan now?

A man with long flowing dark hair and eyes like a snake's had kidnapped him. Now, he had been brought kicking and screaming into a castle, black in color with a very gloomy atmosphere. He was dumped in a room, and was left alone.

The drapes were black. The sheets and pillowcases were black. The carpet was a rich maroon and the candles flickered oddly. But worse of all, it was cold and it was dark. The windows beat with the rhythm of rain and a roll of thunder startled him.

This wasn't the Uzumaki territory! His blue eyes widened in fear as he grabbed the nearest pillow and waited as the door to the room opened slowly. Footsteps approached him, steadily and Naruto waited and waited.

Before lashing out at the person with his pillow.

"How dare you kidnap me and bring me here!" Naruto screamed as crocodile tears made its way into the corner of his blue eyes. Feathers flew from the pillow as it exploded and showered down onto them. He found himself looking upwards at a man.

With silky black hair framing a beautiful face. His dark ebony eyes were very intriguing as they watched him in amusement and the feathers made him look like a creature of the darkness.

Needless to say, Naruto was very turned on.

"Who are you?" He asked, hesitantly.

"I, my dear princess." The man said in a soft baritone. "Am your husband-to-be." He leaned onto a bed and raked a hand through his dark hair, somehow each and every silky strand fell back in its proper place. But there was no starry background, so Naruto wasn't very impressed.

"I've heard stories about you." The man continued as he leaned even closer. Naruto inched away only to have a hand catch his chin. "Beautiful with golden hair like the sun and brilliant blue eyes, the color of the skies. Now, I can finally meet you."

He leaned in to give him a kiss and Naruto gasped sharply.

Then his eyes narrowed and realized there was one thing he could do.

He kneed this man in the jewels.

---

A/N: You like? I'm pressed for time so I'll answer everyone's reviews later! XD


	5. Of Wax Fruits and Ink Brushes

**Title: Twisted Fairytale**

**Author: Kisu **

**Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno**

A/N: Replies to reviews will be at the end of the chapter! Thanks for R/R everyone! Cookies for all!

There is also some OOCness of a new character introduced into the fic! Well I hope it isn't OOCness…because he was hard to portray.

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.

**Chapter 5: Of Wax Fruits and Ink Brushes**

It was a beautiful afternoon. The sun was high in the sky and the temperature was just right. Nothing beat the day like lounging in the shade of a mighty oak tree and napping the afternoon away.

Shikamaru cracked an eye open and inhaled deeply. It had been a week since Ino had taken off to the Uzumaki castle. The blonde had been furious when he told her Naruto had been kidnapped. Still, deep within the depths of his mind, where it was not preoccupied about sleeping and procrastinating, he worried.

He was sure that while he had took the time to make it back to the Yamanaka Estate, Gaara was riding out toward the Desert Kingdom and Naruto was slowly being carried away to Orochimaru's latest hideout.

Stretching out his arms with a big yawn, he folded them behind his head and closed his eyes.

Ah…life was good.

He would worry later.

---

Naruto giggled as the man fell backwards, clutching his precious burden with his face contorted into an expression of pain. He hopped off the bed, managing to jump on the man's stomach before darting out the door.

"Stupid pervert." He laughed as he ran down the hall, having no way of knowing where he was going. He quickly glanced back his shoulder to see if anyone was following him and ran into something hard and solid. There was a grunt as they both fell to the ground.

Naruto shook his head and looked up as shiny swords were suddenly unsheathed and pointed straight at him.

"Eep." He whispered as he watched, a few guards help the fallen man up to his feet.

"Are you all right, dear?" A slender woman with dark hair held up with silver combs and mysterious dark eyes asked. The other man, presumably a very rich nobleman nodded and looked around. His eyes lit up when they landed on him and he waved the guards aside.

"Who is this?" He asked, curiously. "What a charming young lady."

Naruto frowned as he got up slowly and opened his mouth to speak.

"Father. Mother." The same soft baritone from before came from behind him and he turned around in surprise.

"Itachi, dear." The woman said, her eyes lighting up proudly. "Is this a guest of yours?"

"Itachi?" Naruto repeated, thinking hard on where he had heard this name before.

"Actually, I want to introduce you to the woman I have chosen to marry." Itachi said, regally as he swept into a bow. Naruto blinked. "This is Princess Naruto of the Uzumaki Kingdom."

"Uzumaki?" The man arched an eyebrow and smiled widely. "The farthest kingdom that reigns up North? You don't say."

"Wait a minute." Naruto said, slowly. "Where am I and who are you?"

"My dear, you are in the Uchiha Castle and we are the king and queen." The woman said, in amusement. "How did you get here by the way?"

"Uchiha?" Naruto repeated, softly. "Uchiha…Sasuke." With narrowed eyes, he turned to look at the dead sexy man behind him and his mouth dropped open in horror. "Uchiha Itachi. You're that perverted prince's older brother, Itachi!"

Itachi smirked and raked a hand through his hair.

Once again, Naruto was not impressed.

---

Everyone was born with some sort of mysterious sixth sense and Sasuke's was a radar. Actually all younger brothers that plotted their older brother's doom, was entitled to one. So Sasuke jumped when his Itachi-dar went off.

"Itachi is up to something." Sasuke whispered as he stared out of the familiar black carriage he was riding in. "Has he found out about my plan #153?" His black eyes narrowed as he turned around. "Who told him?"

Neji and Hinata had fallen asleep out of boredom across from him. Jiraiya was mumbling incoherent things and drooling on the upholstery and Kakashi was reading his latest perverted book.

"Did you say something, Sasuke?" Kakashi asked, looking up. Sasuke frowned and whipped his head around to meet face to face with Ino.

Ino, who had insisted on riding outside of the carriage on her mare, smiled wickedly at Sasuke and banged her hand against the carriage door. The three sleepers jolted awake and looked around nervously.

"What?" Jiraiya grumbled, having been taken out of his fantasy world.

"I have just received word that a winged creature, possibly a dragon…or Orochimaru-deformed, was headed to a kingdom to the South." Ino told them. "Now the question is, do we go east or go west?"

"Wait a minute!" Neji said, shooting up and out of his seat. He pushed a scowling Sasuke aside and glared at Ino. "The only kingdoms to the South are the Hyuuga Empire which lies east and the Uchiha kingdom that lies along the west coast!"

"Do you mean Naru-chan has been taken to one of these kingdoms?" Jiraiya bellowed as he pushed Neji aside with a massive hand.

"Seems to be so." Ino said, calmly.

"Then it must be…" Sasuke whispered. "Itachi!" Kakashi dropped his book and turned to stare at his young charge.

"What of the first prince?" Kakashi asked.

"Itachi must have ordered Orochimaru to kidnap Naruto, so he could find out about my 152 plans on defeating him!" Sasuke gasped. "I'll kill him!"

"…." Everyone gave him a blank stare.

---

Meanwhile in the desert, Gaara was dutifully making his way through the sand dunes to the Desert Kingdom. Of course, it had taken him awhile because he set his camels free and continued on feet. Then, after a day or two, he had realized that he had made a mistake.

The sun was scorching high above and the heat from the sand was seeping in through his leather sandals.

"Open Sesame." Gaara said, looking up. All at once doors seemed to move out of the sand and opened wide to reveal the entrance to the Desert Kingdom. "Must have been another sandstorm." He frowned. The kingdom was always buried after sandstorms and no one could ever find it. But Gaara could because from the point where he always set his camels free, he would count 10,238 footsteps to the north and 31,765 footsteps to the east. Therefore, he could always find it.

Other people chose to ride the train that went underground to the palace but Gaara decided that was for weaklings. So, as a man, he would take the hot journey on the foot. It also gave him a wonderful tan and an adventure!

"Welcome home, Prince Gaara." The guards said as he stepped through the gates. The doors slammed behind him and a cloud of sand erupted into the air. Gaara coughed and blinked his watery eyes in irritation.

"Stop doing that." He ordered. "Or I'll kill you."

"Yes, your highness." They said, solemnly.

"Incompetent people, nowadays." Gaara muttered as he made his way through the town.

It was mid-day before reaching the palace, where his mother, the Desert Empress awaited his arrival. His father was probably at some tavern, drunk off his ass. Or he could also be in the company of one of his 15 wives.

Like Gaara who took solely after his mother, the Empress had jade green eyes and rich auburn hair. She sat in her throne, clad in white robes that reached the floor.

His older sister and brother stood next to her, (from different mothers of course) watched as he approached the throne and bowed respectfully.

"Gaara! Where is the princess?" The Empress asked, looking from him to the door in hope to see the spectacular girl.

"She was kidnapped, mother." Gaara explained, solemnly. The Empress gasped and banged her beautifully manicured hand onto the arm of the throne and stood up with a swish of silk.

"You must be so devastated, Gaara." She cried, running forward and enveloping the silent boy with a cloud of perfume. Gaara's irritated eyes watered some more and he sneezed, coughing slightly from his mother's perfume. Taking this as a sign of distress, she hugged Gaara tighter. "We must retrieve the princess! Don't cry, dear! Mother will make it all right!"

"Huh?" Gaara frowned, and sneezed as his eyes teared up even more. "What are you talking about, woman?"

"There, there. You don't have to hold it in." The Empress cooed as she flashed angry eyes to the guards that were standing around the room. "Get the Emperor! We will make haste!"

Startled, the guards ran out of the room. The Empress was violent when she was mad and enjoyed the spilling of blood. This was also one of the traits that Gaara received from his dearest mother.

Temari and Kankoru exchanged glances as they silently watched Gaara being suffocated by his mother. But neither made a move to try to stop her, because if Gaara was scary---the Empress was 10x more.

"Mother, let go." Gaara managed through his runny nose and watery eyes.

"My poor baby boy!" The Empress wailed, near tears herself.

---

"Damn perverted princes and perverted princes' brothers." Naruto frowned as he kicked the chair down with a huff. The king and queen stared at him as he folded his arms and pouted as Itachi calmly picked up the chair before holding it out for him. Naruto narrowed his eyes and plopped down onto it, still pouting.

Now you must wonder what was going on in their majesties' minds, so here it is.

The king was thinking rather perverted thoughts, because he had never seen a young lady as fine as this one. She must be lacking in the bust but she made up for it in her wild spirit and fiery temper. Plus, when she pouted, she was so adorable. You couldn't hate her for that, could you?

The queen was thinking, what a wonderful girl this princess was. She had a fiery temper and a wild spirit. Perfect for bearing grandchildren. The girl would have blonde hair and blue eyes and the boy would have black hair and black eyes. Just like the sun and moon, which was especially perfect because she was obsessed with astrology.

The stars knew all.

"What are you two thinking about?" Naruto frowned. He didn't like the giddy expressions on their faces. The two rulers blinked before pasting on very cheesy smiles and blinked innocently at him.

"Here, have some turkey!" The king offered as he plopped a turkey leg onto his plate. "You're all skin and bones!"

"I hate turkey." Naruto sniffed, turning his head away.

"Then have some prime rib." The queen suggested. "It's Itachi's favorite!"

"What about Sasuke's?" Naruto asked. They all turned to blink at him.

"Who?"

Naruto slapped his forehead with his hand and groaned. What the hell was wrong with these people? His blue eyes roamed around the table of meat and looked for something that wouldn't give him constipation. His eyes lit up as they landed on a bowl of fruit. He quickly leaned over and grabbed an apple.

"What are you doing?" The queen asked in horror. "Is that an apple?"

"I hope so." Naruto replied, as he settled back in his seat.

"No one eat apples…but him!" The king gasped.

"Him?" Naruto repeated, before biting into the juicy white flesh. Well…at least it seemed juicy until Naruto's face contorted into an expression of horror. "What is this?" He choked, spitting out the piece of..thing.

"It's wax, dear." The queen responded, happily. "They're for decoration!"

"…I thought you said.._he _ate them." Naruto frowned.

"Yes, he does…when he is at home." The queen nodded. Naruto rolled his eyes and fought the urge to grab a spoon and impale everyone.

Yes, it was a fancy trick Ino had taught him.

"He eats wax fruit?" Naruto gasped in astonishment.

"No, we just replace the fruit bowl with wax fruit when he's not at home." The king replied, with a bright smile.

An arm snaked around his waist and Naruto stiffened. "Come with me to my room." Itachi whispered, seductively. His other hand slowly reached over to lie on his thigh.

Naruto twitched before grabbing the nearest object, the turkey leg, and slammed it into Itachi's flawless face.

The king fell off his chair in shock. The queen fainted into her cranberry sauce and all the maids and servants gasped in horror.

"I'm going home!" Naruto yelled as he ran out of the dining hall.

Itachi slowly wiped the bits and pieces of meat and juices off his face with a napkin.

"She's wonderful, don't you think?" He said, in delight.

---

"What were you picking up earlier, young sir?" Kakashi asked. Sasuke slowly took out an object draped in cloth from his vest and opened it slowly. They had stopped at the inn for the night and all of them leaned in to get a closer look.

"I have discovered Itachi's ultimate weakness." Sasuke said, as he peeled off the tenth layer of fabric that was wrapped around the object. Everyone stared.

"Uhm, Cousin…" Hinata began. "Is that what I think it is?"

"I-It couldn't be." Neji whispered, in awe.

"I've been looking for that in so long!" Jiraiya gasped. "It's the one and only, limited edition-"

"Platinum ink brush with a mahogany wood handle, and horse hair from the tails of the finest silver horses." Sasuke declared. "Guaranteed to hold up to 5x more ink than a normal ink brush."

"I need that for my watercolors!" Jiraiya exclaimed. "I'll give you 50 gold coins for it!"

"I got it for 100 gold coins." Sasuke said, as he rewrapped it with the layers of cloth.

"Ten treasure chests!" Jiriaya continued.

"For a priceless look of Itachi's ugly face?" Sasuke asked. "Never."

"I'll give you the castle and its apple orchard and Naru-chan's hand in marriage." Jiraiya said. He pulled out a scroll from his pockets and laid it on the table.

Sasuke blinked thoughtfully.

The castle could be torn down for his private chateau.

The orchard would be great for his supply of apples.

The princess's hand in marriage would be…

He had to think long and hard for this one and he frowned.

Oh well, he could trade the princess for something else later.

With a bright smile, he reached out to shake hands with Jiraiya, until a sharp knife came crashing down between them. They looked up shakily at the one person that they had forgotten was there with them.

Ino stood, looking very displeased at the turn of the events, jerked her knife out of the table.

"I'll kill you." She whispered, her cyan blue eyes burning in anger.

Sasuke quickly grabbed his brush while Jiraiya grabbed his scroll.

Then they ran for their lives with Ino hot on their tails.

---

A/N: I love Sasuke's parents! Poor Sasuke! Lol. As the brush thing, I hope you all remember that Itachi is afraid of ink brushes. I mentioned it in the first chapter! If you guys forgot, then I'm sure you remember by now! XD

ShrioNekoNyao: Thanks for reading my fic! 3 And for that jutsu, Sasuke will own Itachi! Lol!

Iceheart19: Thanks for reading! I'm glad you like it.

SatanicRebel666: Thanks! Another wonderful reader who left me a nice review!

Chibichidori16: I must imagine that being kicked there would have hurt!

Jenniyah: Your review made me realize I had to fill in that one-week gap. Thanks for keeping me on my feet! They'll find out soon enough.

SukiAme: No I really enjoy your reviews! A pleasure to answer them! You were so right about the Uchiha Castle's description!


	6. Of Random Babbling and Chocolate Syrup

**Title: Twisted Fairytale**

**Author: Kisu **

**Pairings: SasuNaru, ShikaIno**

A/N: Nothing much to say, but thanks for all the reviews. This chapter was the boring of all. Writer's block...sighs

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me.

**Chapter 6: Of Random Babbling and Chocolate Syrup**

After being detoured for a couple days in search for a healer to attend to Ino-inflicted wounds, the party made its way into the Uchiha Territory. But it would still take them a day to reach the castle because of its expanse, and Neji clearly reminded him on how small it was compared to the Hyuugan Territory.

Everyone did what he or she thought best and they ignored Neji.

"Wait a minute." Sasuke spoke up. "I can't pose as a girl, for this…Orochimaru! Who, I must say, could be in _my_ castle!"

They all stared at them blankly.

"My castle!" Sasuke repeated, waving his arms angrily. "I have a reputation!"

"Indeed you do, young prince!" A voice boomed from behind them. Sasuke and Kakashi exchanged frightened glances before turning around very, very slowly. To their dismay, their proclaimed rivals stood in all of their green glory.

Yes. It was very frightening indeed. Sir Gai, was a proud man who wore dark green leggings and silk green shirts from the finest silkworms of China. His young apprentice, Rock Lee was a boy who followed him back from his visit of the Chinese Kingdoms. Therefore, they both sported black hair that had been cut into the shape of bowls.

"Gai, you're back." Kakashi said in a tone that he had wished the gentle green beast to stay in China for all eternity.

"That I am, Sir Kakashi!" Gai proclaimed, loudly. He broke into a grin, flashing his beautiful white teeth. "I cannot forfeit to my lifelong rival! Eh, Lee?"

"Yes, Sir Gai!" Lee exclaimed at Gai's nudge. He wore a traditional Chinese shirt and pants, in the same beautiful green hue that matched Gai's. "Your highness, I am your lifelong rival for the beautiful (deep sigh) Lady Sakura!"

Sasuke turned around as if noticing the boy for the first time and arched a beautiful aristocratic eyebrow. "Who?"

A fist slammed into Sasuke's head and the prince fell over with Ino standing behind him.

"Assault on Prince Sasuke!" Lee screeched in horror as he waved his hand wildly at Ino. "Assault! Assault!"

"Guards!" Gai bellowed as Kakashi and Sasuke stared at the duo.

All at once, officers of the Uchiha kingdom, all sporting nifty black headgear and armor surrounded them "W-Wait a second!" Hinata stammered. "She's a guest!"

"He!" Ino corrected, quickly. Before flashing a smirk at them. "Fine, arrest me."

"B-But!" Hinata began before Neji placed a hand on her shoulder.

"I didn't recognize you, Princess Hinata!" Gai exclaimed, quickly taking her hand in his. Hinata laughed nervously.

"Y-You must let Lord Ino go, Sir Gai." Hinata said. "He's a guest!"

"Even so, we do not tolerate assault on the second prince of the Uchihan throne." Gai replied, gently as Lee nodded in agreement. "Take him away!"

Sasuke's eyes widened. This was not in the plan! He still had to learn the ultimate move to defeat Itachi! Plan #153!

"No problem." Ino winked as she got her hands chained together.

They watched helplessly as Ino was taken away.

"How's that. Sir Kakashi?" Gai asked with a grin. "I have successfully guarded the young prince in an attempt of his life." Kakashi turned toward him, a bored expression on his face.

"Huh? Did you say something?"

---

Naruto sighed heavily. So the plan on going back home wasn't working. Why? One, their majesties wouldn't let him go home. Two, Itachi refused to give up the "love of his life". Three, the castle was too damn big and dark to escape from. Every turn turned into a maze, how can people live like that?

"There you are." Someone stepped out in front of him and he jumped, letting out a blood-curdling scream. The figure stepped closer to him and he abruptly shut his mouth.

"Oh. It's you, Prince." Naruto sighed, positively disappointed that it wasn't some murderer to kill him and get him out of his misery.

"Prince?" The figure chuckled and there was a rustle of fabric as the figure stepped into the light, emitted from the torches along the walls. "I'm afraid you are mistaken, dear Princess." The man had silver hair and blue eyes that were currently behind round spectacles. He raised a hand up to adjust them, catching the light.

"Why do I always get the perverts or weirdoes?" Naruto mumbled before putting in a doe-eyed look. "I'm lost, can you help me find my way out of here?"

"I'll do more than that." The man said, stepping even closer. He raised his hand and planted a kiss on the back of it. "I am Lord Kabuto."

"Lord Kabuto?" Naruto repeated, blankly.

"You are the most exquisite creature I have ever seen in my life." Kabuto said, smiling as he adjusted his spectacles again.

Having lived the life of a beautiful princess, Naruto had been given plenty more comments that were better than this pick-up line. So he smiled, his blue eyes wide with feigned innocence.

"I know." He said. Kabuto let out a laugh and pulled Naruto closer.

"You're modest too." Kabuto smiled, as he placed a hand around his waist. Naruto frowned and pushed away from him. Kabuto adjusted his spectacles.

"What are you doing?"

They both turned and looked at a newcomer who was hidden in the shadows. Kabuto scowled and wrapped an arm possessively around Naruto's waist.

"Just two people in love, out for a stroll in the hallways." Kabuto said. "Nothing to see, so mind your business."

"To whom are you talking to?" The prince of darkness stepped out of the shadows. Uchiha Itachi glared at him, a dark look on his face.

"Prince Itachi!" Kabuto coughed, uneasily.

"Unhand my fiancée." Itachi continued, staring down at Kabuto like he was some measly insect.

"You have forgotten Master Orochimaru's agreement." Kabuto said, with a sly smile. Itachi raised an eyebrow.

"Do enlighten me." Itachi replied.

"We were to kidnap Princess Naruto and bring her back for you. You will get the kingdom and the princess as your wife. But, we get the Uzumaki Territory and the kingdom." Kabuto said. "We also never agreed that the princess has to marry you."

"Oh?" Itachi murmured, raising his head. Naruto could have sworn is black eyes glowed crimson red for an instant. "Naruto, come here."

Well, better a psychopathic, power-hungry, and sexy man than a psychopathic, weird, slimy man. Naruto obediently struggled out of Kabuto's grip and ran behind Itachi. "I will let this event to slide, do not make me angry."

"Tch." Kabuto smirked before disappearing in a cloud of smoke.

"Princess…" Itachi began as he turned around. But Naruto was nowhere to be found. "Kabuto!" He stormed down the hallway, black cape swishing behind him.

---

Ino was ungraciously pushed into a stinky cell. She grumbled, as she looked around, willing to not let her clothes get stained by the murky slime that glistened on the walls. The air was stale and reeked of mildew.

"They really have to renovate this place." She commented, looking around. With a frown, she banged on the bars of the cell. "Hey! I gotta use the can!" She yelled.

"Use the one in the back corner, prisoner!" The guard yelled back, nastily.

"Stupid in courteous home wreckers." Ino muttered as she made her way to the back of the dark, damp cell. "When father finds out about this, he'll have their heads!" To her disgust, it was just a hole in the ground with a pipe that drained the waste to some unknown place.

"Help!" Came the muffled cry. Ino looked around quickly for the source of the voice before kneeling down, cautiously.

"Hello?" She blinked as she called softly into the hole.

"Get away from me! AHHHHHHHHH!"

Ino's cyan blue eyes widened to enormous discs and she banged her fist against the slimy wet walls. She could recognize that voice anywhere. "NARUTO!" She yelled in dismay.

---

Meanwhile, while Ino was talking to the potty hole with the guards listening in, (they thought Ino had gone off the deep end). Kakashi, Sasuke, Neji, and Hinata had made it into the castle and they were welcomed warmly with open arms from the Uchihan king and queen.

"Mother. Father." Sasuke bowed, formally.

"Dear! You're back!" The queen gushed as she ran over to embrace him, warmly. "My, how you've grown Itachi!" Sasuke twitched.

"It's Sasuke, mother." Sasuke corrected, grimly.

"Yes, yes. You look more handsomer every day!" The queen continued as the king smiled proudly from his throne. Neji and Hinata exchanged glances before they were enveloped in clouds of silk and warm kisses. Finally, after greetings were done, Kakashi spoke up.

"Your majesties. It is unfortunate to inform you that an evil sorcerer by the name of Orochimaru has kidnapped Princess Naruto and could have hidden her within this castle." He said, solemnly.

The king and queen burst out in mirth, chuckling and tittering endlessly. "Oh no, Kakashi dear." The queen said, wiping her eyes with a hanky. "The princess is Itachi's fiancée!"

"Yes, yes." The king nodded. "And the evil sorcerer you speak off could hardly harm a flea! Orochimaru is a good man."

"So, it's true?" Kakashi blinked, stunned at the new information.

"Yes, he is the court's sorcerer and part-time magician. Every kingdom needs one, you know." The king replied.

"So where is the princess and Prince Itachi?" Neji asked, with a frown.

"Ah, we don't know." The queen smiled. "You can look for them, yourselves."

"…"

Sasuke sighed and turned around to walk out of the assembly hall. "See you at dinner, dear!" The queen called out merrily. Sasuke shook his head before walking out the grand double doors with the others in tow.

---

"Get away from me!" Naruto screamed, fighting off his captor with tooth and nail. He paused and glanced and gasped in shock.

"Hello, your highness." The man smiled, broadly.

"It's you!" Naruto yelled, angrily as he stared at the man with creepy face and long locks of dark hair. "You brought me here!"

"Why yes I did, princess." The man beamed, widely. "Sit down, have some tea with me."

"I'll pass, thank you." Naruto replied. He wasn't going to move an inch toward him.

"Sit down." The man repeated, malice entering his smooth tone. Naruto narrowed his eyes before falling into the offered chair with a rustle of skits. Yes, he was wearing a dress and he hated the way it poofed up around him every time he sat down. "I think you have met, Kabuto?" He gestured to his left where the man from earlier entered, placing down a tray of tea and cookies on the table.

"Yes, I have." Naruto replied, snootily. "Now, get to the chase. I have important things to do…like going home." A dreamy look crossed his face as he thought of his beloved kitty, Ramen.

"I just want to know, what happened to the vessel of the Kyuubi?" The man continued, sipping his cup of tea delicately.

"Eh?" Naruto looked up from putting in his 20th sugar cube in his cup and he swirled the brown liquid with a spoon. "The Kyuubi?"

"You are the princess. So your father must have been the Fourth." The man said.

"King Fourth." Naruto replied, stubbornly. "Yes, he was my father and who are you by the way?"

"My name is Orochimaru. Once I was the most trusted advisor of King Sarutobi the Third." The man smiled. "But I betrayed him, thus-."

"Can I have a cookie?" Naruto interrupted, grabbing a Snicker doodle from the tray. The sugar was finally kicking in.

"Yes. Yes." Orochimaru waved. "Now as I was saying, I betrayed Sarutobi and-."

"These are good!" Naruto squealed, grabbing another cookie and stuffing it into his mouth. "You know, once I had this cookie that fell on the ground and Shikamaru just told me, "If it doesn't smile then you can eat it," So I picked it up and-."

"What nonsense!" Orochimaru yelled. "Cookies don't smile! I was talking and you rudely interrupted me!" Naruto sniffled and allowed the cookie in his hand to drop to the ground.

"I'm sorry." He whispered, crocodile tears slowly welling up in his big blue eyes. Orochimaru sighed before reaching over to place another cookie in Naruto's hand.

"Here, have a cookie." The evil sorcerer sighed.

---

Oh yes. It seems like Jiraiya has dropped out of the picture. He had magically disappeared after Ino chased him with a knife. After all if you have the gift why not use it? I mean, look at Orochimaru, he used his magic to get things that he wanted. Wealth, kingdoms, armies, and little boys...

Jiraiya on the other hand, used his magic to peek into women's baths. "Oh ho ho!" He boasted as he quickly scribbled into a small notebook with cheeks flushed red. "Data! Data!"

But like all little brothers who have radars on their older brothers, all good guardians had radars on their charges. Jiraiya happened to be very sensitive to his "Naru-chan-dar" and he fell over in shock as it went off. Unfortunately, he was sitting in a tree and he fell right over the branch and into the women's baths. This resulted in a very dangerous combination of ear-splitting screams and sharp nails.

Jiraiya had grown up with Orochimaru and they had both attended the "Academy for the gifted". After graduation, Orochimaru had left to fulfill his dream of being an evil sorcerer and Jiraiya as a smutty novel book writer/artist. How ironic for them to both end up in the Uzumaki Kingdom.

But they were somehow alike; they were both very protective of things that belong to them.

So Jiraiya shot up from being knocked unconscious by a flying bucket and used his magic to transport him right into the very lair of the snake.

"Naru-chan!" He bellowed. "How dare that filthy mongrel lay his hands on your innocent being! I will crush him!"

Orochimaru stood up in shock, seeing his old comrade appeared magically in front of him. He had thought the old geezer had past away long time ago from blood loss, of his perverted ways of course.

"Jiraiya, long time no see." He drawled, momentarily regaining his coolness. Jiraiya glared at him before gazing at his young charge that had passed out after a high sugar dose and was drooling over the sofa he was laying on. Kabuto stood nearby, fingers itching to touch the innocent princess.

"What did you do to Naru-chan?" Jiraiya demanded, angrily. "If you touch one hair on her precious head." Orochimaru stealthily walked over to the sleeping blonde and ever slowly, brushed a few strands of golden hair out of Naruto's face.

Jiraiya gasped.

"DIE!" He bellowed.

---

"Kisame! Have you found the princess?" Itachi demanded, strolling into his study. The man in the chair, who looked freakishly sharky, glanced up from roasting a marshmallow over the fire in the fireplace. All around him were chocolate wrappers and graham cracker crumbs.

Itachi twitched.

"Nooo." Kisame replied, slowly as he pulled his perfectly golden marshmallow out of the fire. "Do you want a s'more, your highness?"

"No, I want the princess!" Itachi replied with a frown. "Why are you eating in here? Who gave you permission?"

"They're really good, highness." Kisame said, munching on his s'more. Itachi frowned before sitting down behind his desk.

"Fine, make me one." Itachi said. "I want the marshmallow to be burnt."

"Burnt?" Kisame wrinkled his nose in disgust. "That's so gross."

"You're one to speak." Itachi replied, coldly. "Now make me a burnt marshmallow s'more. No chocolate."

"What?" Kisame looked like he was on the verge of tears. "Then it defies the meaning of s'mores!"

"You know very well why I don't want chocolate." Itachi whispered, lowly. Kisame gave a brief nod.

He was Itachi's most trusted companion in the castle and he knew Itachi's weaknesses. One of them were ink brushes, he was deathly afraid of anything permanent going onto his flawless face. The second was chocolate, which gave Itachi breakouts.

So Kisame solemnly burnt the marshmallow and placed it between two graham crackers before handing it to the prince.

Just as Itachi was about to bite into it, the door of his study slammed open. Sasuke, stood in the doorway—breathing heavily.

"Itachi! Where have you hidden the princess?" Sasuke demanded. With flourish, he pulled out the his secret weapon, rolling it out of the heavy folds of fabric and brandishing it in the air.

Itachi gasped and dropped his s'more.

It was a brush! Not any brush but…

"Yes that's right." Sasuke smiled, waving the brush. "I also have this!" He dug into his pocket and brought out a handful of chocolate syrup.

"Y-You dare!" Itachi hissed, standing up abruptly. Sasuke smirked before flinging it at Itachi. His older brother stood, rigid in shock as Kisame flew across the desk.

"Noooo!" Kisame yelled, as time seemed to slow down.

The handful of chocolate syrup hit Kisame, square in the face and he fell to the floor.

"Kisame!" Itachi gasped, touched by his servant's loyalty.

"Run, your highness. I can only do so much for you." Kisame whispered as he closed his eyes. Itachi flung his arms up, dramatically.

"No! Kisame!" He wailed. Sasuke stood, hands sticky from chocolate syrup.

"What idiots." He muttered.

---

While all of this was happening, Hinata and Neji were taking a stroll in the gardens.

"Hey, look." Neji murmured as he unzipped his jacket. Hinata watched as a cat bounded out of his jacket. Not any cat, but Ramen. Who was also Naruto's beloved kitty.

"Neji, you took the princess's cat?" Hinata gasped in shock.

"He wanted to come along." Neji said, defensively.

Hinata shook her head and sighed.

---

TBC! This was all babble but I hoped you enjoyed it!


	7. Of Proper Manners and Secret Lairs

**Title: Twisted Fairytale**

**Author: Kisu **

**Rating: G**

**Pairings: SasuNaru? (ItaNaru pending), InoShika**

A/N: Yay! Another chapter! I'm not sure if I should turn this into an ItaNaru, what do you guys think? Read and Review! Thanks a lot!

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, but I have a cute figurine of Sasuke! XD

**_Chapter 7: Of Proper Manners and Secret Lairs_**

Once upon a time, a little girl was born to proud parents. This little girl was named Sakura, for she was born in the season of spring, when the cherry blossoms were in bloom.

_What a beautiful daughter we will have if she looked exactly like the cherry blossoms, her parents thought._

So just like if it was a freaky coincidence, the girl grew into a ripe year of one. She took on the features of the cherry blossoms.

Her hair became as pink as the petals of the budding flowers. Her eyes turned into the color of fresh new leaves on the trees.

How very freaky indeed.

Nevertheless, she proclaimed herself fairest in the land. Well, in the Uchiha Territory at least.

She was a best friend with a young lord who lived in the Uzumaki Territory. His name was Ino, but he was actually a she. It was a very complicated situation, so Sakura hid the fact that Ino was a girl from her parents. Duke Haruno and Duchess Haruno adored the young lord, Ino. This was because they both had pure Japanese lineages and Ino was wealthy.

Now, Sakura was raised as a proper lady with proper manners. She never did anything improper and that pleased the Duke and Duchess, because she was so positively proper. But, she still liked to hang out with Ino, even though Ino did not do proper things.

Ino liked to lie on the grass, run through the rain, and arrange flowers.

In Sakura's case, she had to have a proper blanket on top of the grass so she could lie properly down. She would only run through the rain with a proper umbrella and…arranging flowers? No, she believed that arranging flowers was the most improper thing a proper lady like she could not do.

Because those flowers were dead and living things were "in" right now.

---

One bring sunny day, while Sakura sat in her parlor, she thought of a certain young prince she had her eyes on. You would think since she grew up with Ino, she would chose a proper husband-to-be. One that was warm and considerate, loving and kind, and would always listens to her. Perhaps, a man with hair the color of the sun, and eyes a brilliant shade of blue. So, Sakura did the most proper thing to do. She properly chose a man that was opposite of her parents expectations.

She wanted to marry a prince that had the coldest heart. One who chose to ignore her and positively had no interest in her. One who probably had an interest in the opposite sex after kissing a cross-dressed boy.

She wanted her husband to have dark hair and even darker eyes.

Yes, it was the one and only, Uchiha Sasuke.

He really flipped her switch.

With a soft, dreamy sigh, she ran her hands along the ivory keys of a grand piano.

After all, Sasuke had the most adorable ways of showing his affection.

Not pulling out a chair for her, slamming the door in her face, and the frogs!

He had snuck frogs into her bathtub without her knowing. It was even more romantic than rose petals!

"Sasuke." Sakura gurgled as she melted into a puddle.

---

A princess would awaken after her true love's kiss. So, what if the princess was a boy?

Jiraiya and Orochimaru had settled into an argument of who should kiss the sleeping princess. Which I must say, looked simply delicious with drool pooling around a whiskered cheek.

"Fairytales are fairytales!" Jiraiya snorted. "I say you let me kiss her!"

"What? You perverted man!" Orochimaru gasped. He flung his cape back with flourish and sat down in his chair. "I say you let my obedient servant kiss her."

Hearing the wonderful news, Kabuto hovered around the sleeping princess with a grin on his face. He raised his hand up to adjust his spectacles.

"Him?" Jiraiya stated as he turned to stare at Kabuto. Then, he fell off his chair in hysterical laughter.

"Are you done?" Orochimaru asked after a few moments.

"Wait." Jiraiya said, holding his hand up. He took another look at Kabuto before breaking out into a fresh wave of high pitch giggles.

Orochimaru glowered at him and poured tea for the two of them. After all, aren't old friends supposed to have tea together? When Jiraiya finally recollected himself, he got up and sat back down in his chair.

"How many?" Orochimaru asked, daintily holding onto the tongs for the sugar bowl. Jiraiya paused thoughtfully.

"10."

Orochimaru happily placed 10 cubes in Jiraiya's cup of tea and placed 10 in his own. But wait! He added one more! Seeing this, Jiraiya snatched the tongs up and place another sugar cube in his cup.

Orochimaru narrowed his eyes and dropped 5 more sugar cubes in his tea. Jiraiya copied his move.

"Master." Kabuto said, loyally. "You shouldn't have so much sugar, it's bad for your heart."

"Nonsense Kabuto." Orochimaru said, without dropping his gaze from Jiraiya. "Sugar is good for your heart! Bring me another bowl." So Kabuto, being the ever-loyal servant he was, went to fetch his master another bowl.

"Here you are, you wickedness." Kabuto smiled, his spectacles glinting as his eyes darted to the sofa that the princess was sleeping on.

"You flatter me." Orochimaru grinned before resuming the sugar cube fight.

After 5 and a half bowls later, the two men slowly picked up their spoons and stirred their sugary tea paste. It was no longer a liquid. Then, challenging each other with a glare, they brought their cups to their lips and chugged it back.

Orochimaru gagged, gripped his heart and he fell of his chair. Jiraiya smirked in triumph.

"Master! Your most evilness!" Kabuto gasped, as he poked the evil sorcerer in the side.

Poke. Poke. Poke.

---

"Sasuke!" Itachi shot up out of his chair. "You've gone too far!" His hand slowly pulled out the drawer on his right side. "I didn't think it would come to this."

Sasuke stared, moving his body into a defensive stance.

Itachi's hand reached in and took out something red and shiny.

Was it an apple?

Sasuke's eyes widened. No…it was a…tomato!

Tomatoes were Sasuke's favorite fruit in the world besides apples. Itachi held it out to him and Sasuke cautiously took a step forward.

"Red shiny fruit." Sasuke mumbled, his eyes still on the beautiful specimen.

Then Itachi closed his fingers so the flesh crumbled in his hand slowly. Sasuke stared in horror as the beautiful yellow seeds in the pulpy insides trickled through Itachi's fingers.

With his mouth opening and closing in horror, he pointed a shaking index finger at him. "You're mean!" He yelled as his dark eyes shone with unshed tears. "That tomato was innocent! Innocent!" Then he looked around the room before knocking a chair over. "How do you like that, huh?"

"Pick that back up." Itachi ordered in his monotone.

"I'll have you know! I stole your fiancée's kiss and I liked it!" Then, Sasuke blindly tore out of the room with chocolate syrupy hands over his face.

Itachi glanced at the mess in his hand and moved his arm so it was over Kisame's face. Then, he casually dropped the squashed tomato and wiped his hands on the man's tunic.

Then it occurred to him. The princess's first kiss had been stolen by his brother? His younger brother? Itachi gasped in horror and swept his cape behind him and stalked out of the library.

And poor Kisame lay on the ground, forgotten.

"What about me?" Came the weak cry from Itachi's study.

---

"Maybe we can rescue the princess." Hinata stated happily. Neji just stared at her as if she was nuts. Then, he turned back to the pretty white fat cat who was curiously peering around him.

"Ramen. Meow, meow." Neji called, as he picked up a stick. He threw it over the garden's brick wall and clapped his hands. "Go get it boy! Go get it!"

Ramen just stared at him. Then, he turned back around, swishing his fluffy tail back and forth.

"Uhm." Hinata murmured. "Cats don't retrieve sticks."

But Neji, known for his persistence, picked up another stick. He waved it back and forth.

"Cousin-." Hinata began again.

"Shh!" Neji shushed her and threw the stick over the brick wall. "Go get it, Ramen! Go get it!"

The cat stared at him before trotting over to the brick wall. After several tries, the cat managed to climb up the vines and jumped over the wall. Ramen gave a yowl that strangely began fading at an incredible rate. Neji ran over to the wall and scampered up the wall before staring in horror.

"Neji?" Hinata asked, as she stood below him. "What's wrong?"

Oh, nothing was wrong. Neji smiled nervously as he watched a white object meet the water. He had forgotten how tall the Uchiha castle was and the fact that the castle was surrounded by a moat.

"Oh, he'll be back later." Neji said, climbing down with great leisure.

Hinata was suspicious. "He didn't fall into the moat, did he?"

"No, of course not." Neji replied as he sauntered back through the gardens. "I'm hungry, let's go eat."

"But we just had lunch." Hinata blinked.

---

Kakashi was wondering where his young charge was. When he left him, Sasuke had been muttering about chocolate syrup. It was quite amusing when the two engaged in their feuds. Sasuke was a very complicated boy. At times, he positively adored his older brother. Then, there were times when he wouldn't hesitate to take a knife and gut Itachi.

Of course in turn, Itachi absolutely adored his little brother from his spiky dark hair to his pale little toes. But he was not willing to share with him because he was very possessive. Well, that seemed like bad news for his young charge since they both fancy that weird blonde princess.

With a sigh, he flipped the page of the trashy novel he was reading and glanced up when he heard rushing footsteps.

Ino, with her hair tousled and her shirt torn from escaping the guards stopped in front of him.

"You!" She snarled, pointing her stolen sword from him.

"I?" Kakashi asked, gazing at the girl's body in absolute fascination. Ino bound her chest with bandages in order to keep up her façade a boy, and right now, the bandages were a little visible through one of the tears in her shirt. The trashy novel fell from his hands as he quickly pulled off his tunic and handed it to her. "Wear this!" He said, trying to maintain his composure. Ino eyed him warily and slowly took the shirt from him. Then, with incredible slowness, she pulled the tunic over her head, arms rising to expose her toned stomach.

Kakashi raised a hand to his head and clutched the wall when he felt lightheaded.

"Ino-chan!" Another pair of rushing footsteps and a pink blur rocketed toward Ino. Ino gasped and held out her hands, but the blur tackled her and she fell to the floor.

"Sakura." Ino groaned. "You're so rough."

That said, Kakashi's imagination ran wild. Not to mention that Sakura was on top of Ino and was straddling her waist. Both girls were out of breath and their clothes were tousled.

So Kakashi gave in as blood spurted from his nose and he fell to the ground in a dead faint.

"What a pervert." Ino sighed as she shifted. "Sakura, get up."

With that, the pink blur was now known as Sakura. "Ino-chan." Sakura wept as she clung to her. "I can't find Sasuke anywhere. I want to see him!"

"Did you try the kitchen?" Ino asked. Sakura straightened and wiped her tears away in a very proper manner.

"T-The kitchen?" She blinked.

"Yes, I passed by there and the prince was talking to some tomatoes." Ino said.

"His highness will never do that!" Sakura gasped. Ino shrugged.

"Oh well, I have to go." Ino said. "I'm looking for Naru-chan."

"Your cousin?" Sakura blinked. "What is he doing here?"

"She." Ino corrected as she looked around for any eavesdroppers. "It seems like she's Itachi's fiancée."

"What?" Sakura gasped. "His royal highness's fiancée? But his royal highness would not look at any other lady that wasn't as fair as he! Everyone was beginning to think he was…gay."

Ino stared at her.

Sakura blinked.

"Oh…"

----

How exciting life in the Uchiha Castle was! By the time that the sun had begun to fall, Orochimaru woke up from his mild sugared heart attack.

"Master!" Kabuto gasped, helping the man up.

"My head." Orochimaru whined.

"About time." Jiraiya grumbled. He still had a hangover from the sugar tea paste, but he took it like a man—not a sissy like Orochimaru.

"Why didn't I think of this sooner?" A voice interrupted their grumbles and whining, and they watched as a dark figure walked toward them.

The prince of darkness, Uchiha Itachi had arrived.

They both stared as Itachi ran a hand through his hair, each strand falling back into place. Orochimaru was impressed but Jiraiya was not.

"I see how it is." Itachi said. "You stole my lovely fiancée from me and hid her here! So you can have your way with her!"

"Huh?" Orochimaru blinked.

"I, Uchiha Itachi will not let you!" Itachi hissed, drawing his sword.

But a soft moan, made them turn to stare at the sofa where a beautiful young beauty was waking up. Itachi lowered his arm, fascinated by the creature as fair as he, but of course, he was much more fairer. Quickly he strode over to her and clasped her hand in his.

"Beautiful maiden, come with me to the cherry festival tonight." Itachi said as he planted a kiss on her hand.

Naruto blinked owlishly at him and covered his mouth with a yawn. Jiraiya suddenly shot out of his seat.

"Who is that, touching my Naru-chan?" Jiraiya yelled, pointing at the prince. Itachi, got up and glared at the man. "If anyone wants the dear princess, he must go through me!"

So, Itachi swept into a deep bow. "I ask for the princess's hand in marriage." Jiraiya looked shock for a moment, before bowing respectfully.

"Of course, your royal highness." He replied.

The door was slammed open and Orochimaru shrieked in rage.

"Has everyone discovered my secret lair?" He demanded. "Kabuto! You worthless thing!"

"Master! Forgive me!" Kabuto returned.

"Itachi!" Sasuke stood, glaring at him. "Don't you think of touching him!" His eyes were a little red from crying, and his lower lip was still jutted out in a pout. Itachi thought that his murderous little brother was just precious.

"Him?" Itachi repeated in confusion.

"The princess is a boy!" Sasuke yelled, pointing at Naruto. Naruto blinked sleepily at him. A shock expression crossed Itachi's face as he looked from Naruto's face to Sasuke's. Then, he caressed Naruto's cheek with a sexy smile.

"Even better." He breathed.

"ARGH!" Sasuke stomped his foot. "I will avenge that innocent tomato and take the princess away from you!"

"Boy?" Orochimaru repeated. "Did he just say that the princess is a boy?"

"You damn prince!" Ino appeared behind Sasuke and slammed her fist down onto his head. Sakura squealed in protest. Then, acting on instincts—Ino stepped forward. "I am the vessel of the Kyuubi and I have come to kill you, Orochimaru!"

"Assault!" They stared as Lee ran in. "Assault on his highness! Capture the escaped convict!"

"No!" Sakura gasped, coming in between the two.

"Lady Sakura!" Lee cried. "You will protect this…criminal? How noble of you, fair lady." He closed his eyes, head bowed. "I do not deserve to be in your presence."

"This is my secret lair!" Orochimaru yelled in frustration. "I'm supposed to be the evil sorcerer in this story! Fear me! Roar!"

Thus, poor O-chan was ignored.

The brothers continued to fight over the unaware princess.

Lee continued his speech to the Lady Sakura, while she clung to Ino.

Jiraiya had fallen asleep.

But no one noticed that Kabuto had dragged Naruto away.

"You'll be mine." He cackled, as his spectacles flashed.

"Huh?" Naruto blinked, sleepily.

Poor Naruto.

---

R/R! Tell me if you want it as SasuNaru or ItaNaru! Thanks! 3


	8. Of Nightly Swims and Dango

**Title:** Twisted Fairytale

**Author: **Kisu

**Rating: PG**

**Pairings:** SasuNaru and GaaNaru

A/N: Yay another chapter! I swore I started a chapter of this fic but I must have deleted or it must have gotten lost somewhere? The pairing in the end is still undecided, but most likely it'll be SasuNaru. Unless…I decide otherwise…MUAHAHAHA!(coughcough) The votes were 23 to 7, and I didn't include the "both" votes but either way I think SasuNaru will win... I especially love the suggestion for Neji/Ramen!

Uhm, reviews will be replied to in the next chapter. Not this chapter XP. But so sorry for the long wait, I've been very busy…failing skool. But it's all over…finals that is…and I get to type up a storm! ENJOY!

Disclaimer: Naruto does not belong to me, only to Kishimoto-sama!

**_Chapter 8: Of Nightly Swims and Dango_**

The hot wind tore across the sandy landscape, bringing grains of sand swirling into the air. This caused an army of gallant soldiers to drop their weapons, to start choking and coughing as these foreign particles went up their noses. Only one person braved the burning wind and allowed the granules to fly freely into his crimson red hair.

The brave Desert prince Gaara watched with hard and determined eyes as the army recollected themselves. He turned around to stare at his older brother and sister who stood behind him looking slightly bored. Then, with a soft sigh Gaara bent down and picked up a handful of sand…and placed it in his pocket.

"Not again." Kankuro muttered as Temari laughed nervously.

"Gaara. Dear." Temari began. "You remember when I said that you couldn't take that dead frog inside the palace?"

"Yes." Gaara blinked, after a moment of thought.

"The sand in your pocket belongs here, Gaara." Temari said, gently. "The desert is its home."

"Its home is with me." Gaara said, stubbornly.

"Won't you rather have it here with its family and friends?" Temari asked, readjusting the oversized fan that she had strapped onto her back.

"No." Gaara said. "Now, shut up before I tell Mother." Temari immediately clammed up and Kankuro shook his head.

"Kids these days have no respect." He sighed. Catching Gaara's gaze on him, he immediately stood up straight and coughed nervously.

"We move out to Uchiha Territory." Gaara announced to the army. The army saluted in unison and gave a war cry. "I'll meet you there…since you all are taking the train. Weaklings."

With that, Gaara turned and stalked away. Temari and Kankoru stared at Gaara in astonishment.

"W-Wait a minute! Gaara! You aren't using the train to get there?" Temari asked in shock.

"No way am I walking this burning wasteland." Kankoru announced, angrily.

"Then go catch the train." Gaara replied as he continued walking. The Desert army was already thinning out and Kankoru and Temari exchanged glances. They had been threatened by the Desert Empress to watch over Gaara. If something happened to him, they were going to be in deep poop. So, with a sigh they ran after Gaara.

Miserably, they trekked through the hot sand as the bullet train ran at lightning speed beneath their feet.

* * *

Surprisingly, it didn't take the occupants of the newly discovered secret lair to figure out that their blonde damsel was missing. After all, if the damsel wasn't in distress then what kind of fairytale would this be? There will be no plot! No action! No blood! 

But of course in a room of brotherly rivalry, sugar high drunks, and horrifying teacher-student matching bowl cuts...only one person realized that our damsel was indeed in distress.

"Where is Naruto!?" Ino yelled. All the commotion stopped and all eyes turned toward the blonde who still had a crying Sakura latched to her waist.

"…the princess?" Lee tried timidly when everyone was shocked into silence by the blonde's emotional outburst.

"Of course the princess, you idiot." Itachi spoke up as he straightened. Slowly, he dusted off imaginary dust from his black cape and shook out the imaginary wrinkles.

Sasuke just stared at him with a disgusted look on his face.

"Yes, where did your baboon of a servant take my lovely fiancée?" Itachi continued as he strolled over to Orochimaru.

"Finally someone listens!" Orochimaru gasped. Jiraiya stirred and opened his eyes.

"Why am I still here?" He asked, as he glared at the evil sorcerer. "Why are all of us still here?" In a flash, he shot up from the floor where he had fallen asleep and rushed over to the couch. He had to make sure that the spot was empty. "Where is my Naru-chan?" He yelled angrily as his overprotective guardian side took over.

"Kabuto took him." Itachi replied. "Where did he take him, Orochimaru?"

"How should I know?" Orochimaru replied as he stalked over to the table where the tea and cookies had been lost from his interest. He sat down with a mighty swoop of his deep violet cape and brushed the tea and cookies to the floor with a swoop of a caped arm. Itachi narrowed his eyes.

"That's coming out of your monthly gold." He told him.

"What?" Orochimaru slammed his fist down onto the table. "How dare you!" Itachi just blinked at him and of course, since he was the prodigy of the Uchiha Dynasty and the heir, he lost interest in the evil sorcerer and turned his back toward him.

Ooh. Burn.

"The cherry festival is tonight and I have lost my date!" Itachi fumed. He stalked past Sasuke and the others, as they wordlessly parted for him. "What am I going to wear?"

"How dare you turn your back on me!" Orochimaru yelled, repeatedly slamming his fist down onto the table. Unfortunately, the impact was a bit too much and the table broke into two. "Kabuto! Clean it up!"

Silence.

"Kabuto!"

"What an idiot." Sasuke muttered as he left the lair. Lairs just weren't his thing. He didn't even think they were cool. But he was sure Itachi had a secret lair of his own. And when he found out where it was….

Sasuke glanced around before nearly melting into the shadows. "Bwaha." He mumbled, rubbing his hands together. He would give his brother a taste of his revenge!

* * *

Eyelashes dusted with the color of gold slowly fluttered against smooth creamy peach cheeks. The owner of these remarkable features slowly opened their eyes and revealed another trait of their beauty. Blue orbs, the color the color of the cloudless sky looked around. With a swift motion, the beauty sat up and caused a distress in the silk that that was on the bed. 

Wait…bed?

Princess Naruto inhaled sharply and he looked down to stare at the "thing" he was wearing. His last dress was simple enough but this was all…frilly! He scrunched his eyes shut and let out a howl of outrage. "Who dares dress me in such distasteful clothing!?" He demanded.

"It was I, your highness." A smooth voice said. Naruto looked up to see the ridiculous curtains around the bed, part and it was none other than the stupid evil sorcerer's stupid henchman, Kabuto.

"Do you like this style of dress? It is from the west, your highness." Kabuto continued as he pushed up his spectacles. They glinted and from what Naruto saw, it seemed like he was a pervert. Therefore he gestured for him to come closer. Kabuto, thinking this was an invitation, smiled eagerly and slowly got onto the bed and advanced on Naruto. His fingers crept up the side of the bed and onto Naruto's thigh.

Naruto twitched and backhanded Kabuto hard, sending the poor man flying to the floor. He even bounced twice!

"Ouch." Naruto frowned as he shook out his hand. "If you ever touch me again, I'm going to make sure you never have kids!" With a second thought, he gathered the skirts of his dress and slid off the bed. "Better yet, I'll get my cousin to break every bone in your body!" With a huff, he walked over to the closet and was sidetracked by a freestanding mirror.

There he was, wearing a soft pink dress with lace and silk and…frilly! The skirts rustled as he moved closer and his eyes widened. "I look so cute!" He squealed before rushing out the door.

And poor Kabuto lay forgotten on the floor, just like our dear Kisame.

* * *

Gaara walked through the castle with utmost ease. After rescuing some poor half-drowned cat from the moat, he had easily gotten over it with his Desert magic. In fact, he used the sand in his pockets with a bit of water to stretch out into a bridge for him to walk on. 

The guards were surprised when they saw him and even though he had done nothing wrong, they attacked him. Since he was feeling a bit defensive, he easily sent them over the wall and into the moat.

Now he walked aimlessly, sensing Naruto was nearby and of course he was probably in distress since he had been captured and all.

"She." Gaara mumbled in an attempt to remind himself. He was one of the few that knew Naruto's secret and would rather kill his two older siblings before telling anyone. Not that he wouldn't anyways.

As Gaara rounded the corner, a bundle of silk and lace crashed into him and the two of them fell to the floor. The Desert prince growled and fought his way out of the silk and lace. The sand in his pocket reacted to his emotional intensity.

"Gaara?" A familiar so sweet and innocent voice asked.

He looked up to see Naruto sprawled out before him in the pile of lace and silk.

Gaara's eyes widened and he quickly fought his way out of the pile. One hand reached into his pocket, closing in on the handful of sand. "I'll free you from this horrible creature." He announced. How dare they try to eat the princess? After all he was her fiancé.

"No, Gaara!" Naruto stood up and smoothed the dress out. "How do I look? It's a clothing style from the west."

A slow pink tint spread across the prince's face before blossoming into a fuchsia that clashed with the blood red tattoo at the corner of his forehead. "You look cute." Gaara finally said. "But it is the ugliest thing I have ever seen. Take it off right now!"

"But…but you said it looked cute!" Naruto protested.

"I said 'you looked cute' not 'it looked cute'." Gaara objected. "And since the west is the Desert kingdom's enemy, we refuse to stand for this type of mockery of tasteful clothing!"

"Say what?" Naruto blinked after receiving a mouthful of Gaara's 'I'm smart and you're not' language. Tears filled his eyes and Gaara backed away, clearly confused at a sudden display of emotion. "Did you just say I'm stupid?"

"What?" The stoic Desert prince frowned, clearly puzzled over the princess's reply.

"I hate you, Gaara! I'll never marry you!" Naruto cried, running past him. Gaara reached out to Naruto but was caught in a strong intoxicating breeze from the perfumed skirts that he wore. When he could finally catch his breath and stopped his fit of coughing, Naruto was long gone.

"What?" Gaara tried again.

* * *

Night had fallen and the lanterns were hung all over the town just before the Uchiha Castle. And the nightlife was bustling and bright with activity. Women, men, and children dressed up in their best robes to sample the finest. 

Ino, clad in a wonderful dark blue robe walked around with Sakura hanging off her arm. Her best friend had changed into a white kimono with stripes of dark pink. "Ino look!" Sakura gasped as she knelt to examine the goldfishes that swam in a small pond.

"Ah, do you want to win a goldfish for your lady?" The owner of the stall asked, cheerfully. If looks could kill, Ino would have sent a piercing glare through the poor man's heart by now.

"Ino-kun! I want a goldfish!" Sakura exclaimed, clinging on to her arm. Ino sighed and allowed her best friend to lead her closer to the stall.

"I'm looking for Naruto." She reminded her as she handed over money.

"Yes, right after you get my goldfish!" Sakura beamed.

Ten tries later, Ino growled and slammed her broken paper fish net onto the ground. "This is a waste of time!" She screamed angrily. "How dare you pull a scam such as this!"

"But sir," The man said, nervously. "Everyone has received a goldfish on their first few tries!"

"Allow me, Lady Sakura!" Lee exclaimed as he popped up beside them. Sakura stared at his forest green robe and silk white pants. Quickly, he handed over the money to the owner of the stall and knelt down. With one quick motion, he picked up a goldfish in his paper fish net. But this goldfish was the biggest out of all the goldfishes!

The owner of the stall congratulated him and placed the fish in a bag. Then, Lee offered it to Sakura with a big smile on his face.

"I don't want it anymore." Sakura said after a moment of silence. "Ino, look! I love dango!" The pink haired beauty led Ino away from the stall.

And Lee's happy face crumpled.

* * *

Temari and Kankoru weaved in and out of the crowd, trying to look for their baby brother. Gaara was an insomniac so when they were catching some Z's, Gaara had left them in the middle of the forest. 

"Stupid brat!" Kankoru mumbled. Since they had went at Gaara's pace, the army was probably a week away. "When I find him…"

In fact, they had cheated to get to the Uchiha castle. They hadn't known that their baby brother was _that_ fast. He must have built up the stamina from walking through the desert all the time. The siblings had to cheat and use their Desert magic to transport them here.

"You'll do what?" Temari glared as she narrowed her eyes at him. Kankoru immediately closed his mouth and looked away.

"Nothing…" He mumbled. "Hey! There he is!"

Temari looked up and immediately rushed toward the red haired boy. Gaara trudged toward her and stood motionless as Temari wrapped her arms around him. "Don't ever rush off like that again, Gaara!" She lectured. "Even if you are an insomniac, you still need to rest!"

"Naruto said she won't marry me." Gaara said, quietly. "I made her mad."

"What?" Temari gasped. "How dare she reject you! When I get my hands on her…"

"No, just let her be." Gaara cut in. "I don't want to make her unhappy." The two older siblings stared at Gaara in shock.

"Are you sick?" Temari quickly placed a hand on his forehead while Kankoru checked his pockets for sand.

"Just as I thought! His sand is wet!" Kankoru gasped as he poked at the damp mound in the boy's pockets.

"What? How?" Temari asked as she double-checked Kankoru's observation. "Here Gaara, I have some fresh dry sand for you." She pulled out a small bottle and offered it to Gaara who stared at it and walked away.

"Gaara!!!"

* * *

Meanwhile, Naruto's search party kept becoming distracted from the bright lights and the food. So, no one noticed when a pink blur brushed by all of them once, or twice…or maybe three times. 

No one noticed the second prince of the Uchiha throne brooding next to the lake.

No one noticed as the pink blur was headed straight toward the Uchiha.

No one noticed when the pink blur hit the second prince and sent them both tumbling into the water.

So only when a startled shout and a squeal pierced the night air, everyone ran toward the source of the sound. When they neared the lake where they were supposed to set off candles in boats at midnight, they saw Sasuke and the princess attempting to swim toward shore. Lee, feeling heroic, swept off his robe and jumped into the freezing water. He trudged back to shore, in his arms were the princess and the prince both soaked and shivering.

Sasuke got out first and all the girls squealed as he flicked his hair back in attempt to get it out of his eyes. Lee helped the princess out and tripped at the last minute. Therefore, the princess lunged forward and Sasuke caught Naruto by the waist.

Then, his foot got caught in his skirts and they fell. At the last moment, Sasuke was on top of Naruto and their lips met in a kiss.

"No!" Sakura screamed, sinking to her knees. "Not my beautiful cold-hearted prince!" Ino shifted and began to pull out a katana from within the folds of her robes.

"How dare you…" She hissed. Sasuke finally pulled away from a breathless Naruto and stared down into his bright blue eyes.

"I think…I think…" He whispered so quietly that only Naruto could hear. "I think I love you."

Naruto's eyes widened and he inhaled sharply. "W-what?" He stammered.

"Uchiha!" The roar was easily recognizable and Naruto's head shot up to see the enraged Desert prince staring at them. "I will kill you!"

"Gaara!" Temari and Kankoru ran up to their little brother and stared at Sasuke.

"From this moment, I am declaring war onto your kingdom, Uchiha!" Gaara announced. Sasuke got up and stared at Gaara.

"Bring it on." He replied. He was never one to back away from a challenge.

"You are in no place to make any decisions, little brother." Itachi walked through the crowd; dress in black robes embroidered in silver thread. His customary cape was still around his shoulders. "At last, I have to come save your puny behind again."

"What the hell?" Sasuke snapped. He expected a reply from his older brother and fumed silently when he noticed that he had lost interest in him.

"Princess, you're all wet." Itachi stated as if it wasn't obvious. Naruto stood up and crossed his arms in an attempt to warm himself. With a great flourish, the first prince of the Uchiha Territory, unclasped his cape and drape it over Naruto's shoulders.

"Thank you." Naruto said, meekly.

"No…thank you." Itachi replied, softly as he drew out his arm and wrapped it around his shoulders. Naruto stared as Itachi drew him towards his chest.

"Itachi." Sasuke growled, warningly.

"My army will be here in a week, so prepare yourselves." Gaara told them after his brief interruption. "And the winner will have the Princess as his bride." His jade green eyes calmly met Naruto's wide blue ones. "I don't know what else to do to keep them away from you."

Naruto blinked and his eyes grew watery from suppressed tears.

"Gaara." He whispered, touched at his words. "If you declare war on the Uchiha Territory, I won't even consider to marry you!"

"Wait a minute! You rejected my little brother!" Temari pointed out. "What were you thinking, you wench?"

"What did you call Naruto, you pork?" Ino yelled. Temari spluttered. She had never been called "pork" before!

"This time I really mean it!" Naruto announced. "I won't marry you unless you undeclare the war against Sasuke!"

"Fine." Gaara pouted. Sasuke blinked. That was it? Geez this Desert prince was whooped.

"Well then," Itachi laughed. Slowly the deep chuckle became higher in tone and everyone stared as Itachi's free hand reached up to rip a layer of skin off his face.

"Eww." Ino stared.

"That is so gross." Sakura gasped.

"My brother can shed?" Sasuke frowned. Was this a family trait?

But after Itachi ripped away his skin, it revealed the face of a man. A man so horrifying, so evil, so pale…it was Orochimaru!

"This disquise worked perfectly." Orochimaru laughed. "Itachi would never mingle with you commoners!"

"But we…aren't." Hinata spoke up for the first time. Neji raised an eyebrow from his place next to her.

"Well anyways!" Orochimaru coughed as he regained his composure. With flourish, he dropped two smoke bombs in front of him. "You think I'm stupid not to notice that my vessel has been in front of me all this time?" The hand on Naruto's shoulder tightened and Naruto winced. "I could tell from the outline of his body in his wet dress!"

"Pervert." Sasuke glared. Orochimaru glared back before continuing.

"I, the great evil sorcerer, Orochimaru will harness the power of the Kyuubi and use it to take over everybody!" Orochimaru laughed. Noticing that the smoke from his smoke bombs had long died out…he cursed and pulled out another pair of smoke bombs. "Kukukuku!" He dropped the bombs and laughed evilly on his way out.

"Uchiha! This is all your fault!" Gaara glared. "The war is on!"

"Bring it!" Sasuke shot back.

"H-He took Naruto." Ino whispered as her knees bucked. "I have failed in my task."

* * *

A/N: Moo…another chapter done. Not as funny as the last ones but decent. Hope you enjoyed R/R 


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